A Little Blog Goes a Long Way

Stylish

2011-12-06T18:19:00.001-07:00

He came up to me today and asked, "Am I gonna be cool if I wear this?"

The only answer to that question is an emphatic "Yes!"

The Perks

2011-11-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've neglected the blog. Again. Just know I will promise that I will be more consistent. Then I will disappear for another few months. I've just been way too busy enjoying this awesome little guy who keeps me laughing with all the crap he comes up with. Like the other day...

The Tyke: "Mom, am I a genius?"
Me: "Of course, buddy."
The Tyke: "Thanks, Mom. You're a good Mom."

Or this...he was trying to make himself a superhero (Nacho Libre, specifically). Need I say more?

And then today, The Tyke came running into the kitchen crying that he hurt his finger. I gave him a hug and asked him if he could wiggle his fingers. He looked at me and whined, "NO, I CAN'T!!"

I replied, "Oh no! If your finger doesn't work then I'm just gonna have to bite it off."

Have you ever wondered what abject terror, mingled with doubt, topped off with a dash of concern looks like in a 3 year old? Now I don't.

The Apple of My Eye

2011-08-09T17:55:00.001-06:00

Har de har har...

Supportive of Each Other

2011-08-04T12:31:00.001-06:00

LT and I were talking last night about how much fun The Tyke is at this age (3) and how much we are loving being his parents.

Me: I can't believe how much he's learning. But I'm starting to realize he may be smarter than me.
(Pause)
Seeing as he passed you up a while ago, how did you handle it?

LT: The first year is always the hardest.

Chick Magnet

2011-07-30T20:16:00.001-06:00

Proper Name

2011-07-28T20:50:00.001-06:00

LT suggested to The Tyke that they sing a song today before bed.
When The Tyke told me this, I said, "What a great idea! You must have a really smart dad."

The Tyke settled into LT's lap and said to him, "You're a really smart dad, Riley."

Feeling the Spirit

2011-07-26T15:34:00.000-06:00

I dunno about you, but I'm joining this guy's church.

Premeditated

2011-07-23T18:00:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, The Tyke watched me put a pack of gum in my purse. He knows he isn't allowed to have gum, so he didn't ask to have any, even though I could tell by the look in his face that he wanted to.

He looked at my purse and then at me and said, "Can you go outside?"

Me: "Why?"

The Tyke, again: "Can you go outside?"

Me: "Are you asking me to go outside so you can get the gum out of my purse without me seeing you?"

The Tyke, without skipping a beat: "Yes."

Top Dog

2011-07-18T22:07:00.001-06:00

It all started when I passed one of my coworkers on the stairwell at work and asked him, "How are your boxers?" A comment which, if heard by a random passer-by, could very easily have landed me an incredibly awkward visit to HR. Fortunately for all parties, I was actually referring to his dogs, which are Boxers, just like my #1 gal, Dixie. For those of you who aren't ~~ridiculously obsessed with~~ very attached to your dogs, you may not understand where I am coming from when I say that so-called Dog People are a special breed (ha!) all their own. We can tell who shares our freaky [read: completely acceptable and normal] attachment to their pets and who doesn't. We can catch the stink of puppy love wafting from others of our kind from miles away, and it's not just the occasional odor of an ill-fated step into a yard that hasn't been scanned for poop-mines. It's a sixth sense that this person understands why you cried the first time you left your dog in doggy day care when you went on vacation. And thinks that it's totally normal.

Not only does Coworker share my particular brand of Crazy Love for the Boxer breed, he is extra Nutso for owning two. As we got to talking, he told me that he needed to find a new home for his dogs. I mentioned that LT and I had been considering getting another one, and the rest is history.

This is Brodie. Blogosphere, I am not exaggerating when I say that, along with Dixie [yes, of COURSE I have to put in that qualifying statement], Brodie may be the best dog EVER. Coworker really did a fantastic job raising this guy. Brodie's obedient, playful, happy, and just a pure joy to have around.

He's 5, so he is out of the puppy stage and at a point where he is mellow enough to handle the 3 1/2 year old who sometimes knows no middle ground between whining and yelling. In fact, The Tyke loves this dog as much as I do, because, unlike Dixie, who will halfheartedly chase a flying object until it occurs to her that trying to catch flies with her mouth would be a better use of her time, this dog can fetch. And he LOVES IT! I finally found another being that enjoys doing the same thing over and over as much as The Tyke does, and the lazy parent in me is doing cartwheels of joy at the idea that these two can entertain each other for hours.

We are so lucky that Coworker decided to send Brodie our way. He has adjusted beautifully to living with us and I can't believe well-matched he and Dixie are in temperament. I couldn't have hand-picked a better dog to add to our pack. In fact, Brodie is so well-trained, I am considering taking LT over to Coworker to see if he can send him back with the same results. Coworker may have his work cut out for him, though. Everyone knows you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Dog Tired

2011-07-17T22:17:00.003-06:00

I plan to devote a much longer post to this guy...the newest addition to our household. But in the meantime I will share a tiny bit of his cuteness with the blogosphere. We love this dude. Meet Brodie.

Q & A

2011-07-17T22:13:00.001-06:00

The Tyke has finally reached that age. The one where he is finally old enough to start doing "stuff". He has blossomed into this amazingly charismatic and delightful little dude that is the perfect sidekick.

He's always full of questions, and I love to see how his mind works things out. We were talking about bodies and he didn't quite understand what a body was, so I explained that his arms, legs, feet, bellybutton, etc. are all parts of his body...body parts. That was the moment it clicked for him, and he breathed a big sigh, gave me a big hug, and said "I love you, Mom."

Earlier today, The Tyke was playing in his kiddie pool outside and asked me if he could play "candy bars". I assumed this was some game he made up with his friends from down the street, so I asked him what it was. He said it was when they jumped off the lawn chair (which they had me put half in/half out of the pool yesterday) into the pool and yell "Candy bars!!" I looked at him and said, "Could they have been yelling 'cannonball'?"

I got a response of "No, it's candy bars." I guess Mom doesn't always know the right answer. But I sure am crazy about this kid...no question.

Facing Reality

2011-07-13T09:02:00.000-06:00

I heard The Tyke calling for me after I put him to bed last night. I went in his room and he said, "Mom I wanna show you something." This immediately made me curious because he usually uses this phrase when we are at the store and he wants to take me to the toy section. Very subtle, this kid.

I said, "What is it?" He stands on his bed, lifts up the window blinds, and goes, "Look! It's not dark outside." As in, 'Dearest Mother, surely you realize that I cannot posssibly be going to bed when there is still daylight outside!

Y'all, I almost couldn't withstand the look of crushing disappointment on his face when I explained that it was still time for bed anyway. This will be just one of many grim realities that he will come to know in his life...like realizing that the ONE TIME the ice cream man deigns to show up in your neighborhood, you won't have any money.

At least he'll be able to tell his psychiatrist about his horrible mother who made him go to bed on time so she could watch Sons of Anarchy he could be well rested and healthy. Who also didn't buy him ice cream.

Safety First

2011-06-30T08:29:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, after we walked back from the park in the rain and lightning, The Tyke hurried into the garage so he could get a helmet to "keep [his] head safe."

That's my boy.

The Sound of Summer

2011-06-28T22:45:00.000-06:00

This song has been on "repeat" in my playlist for several weeks now and has definitely taken the top spot in the soundtrack for my summer.

Even more importantly, I know I am not the only one who will be happy to hear me humming this song instead of It's a Small World, which lodged itself in my brain last month despite numerous attempts at removal and replacement by Willie Nelson, Etta James, DeVotchka... I was even willing to turn to Sesame Street for a cure. It turns out that after all my failed attempts, the one thing that could take care of my little song problem was a Monkey, Man.

An Open Letter To The Boys in My Household

2011-06-08T09:02:00.000-06:00

Dear LT and The Tyke,

Allow me to take a moment to apologize for the atrocious meals I have been spending so much time preparing for you. I am aware of what a huge disappointment it can be when I get up extra early on the weekends (after working all week) in order to make you both a special breakfast from scratch. I should have realized that the honey whole wheat pancakes with honey butter, even when slathered in syrup and whipped cream, would still be inedible because there's no bacon, or I am forcing you to eat all of your blueberries or...ahem...you "like your mom's recipe better".

I promise that next time I make waffle batter, I will check to see if you want the strawberries IN the batter or just on top of the waffles. Or both. I am saddened that my earnest efforts to always include fruits and vegetables in every meal has caused such inconvenience for you both.

LT, I can't believe I didn't realize you are "not a casserole man". I will be sure to make you a separate meal next time. I also really do appreciate you for not waiting until the end of a meal to tell me it's not your favorite. It's important for me to know that early on so I can be sure not to enjoy the rest of my dinner.

Tyke, I understand that it's totally unreasonable for me to require that you finish ALL of your carrots if you want dessert. In the future, I will gladly negotiate with you when you tell me you'll just have 1 more carrot and be done.

I am truly sorry that I have not gotten my act together yet. Please accept my heartfelt apology along with an assurance that I will be a much better short order cook, waitress, dishwasher, mind reader, and all-around pushover in the future.

Thank you again for your tolerance and understanding,
Mel

Grossly Mistaken

2011-06-03T08:51:00.002-06:00

Uh-oh, look who finally got around to downloading Blogger for droid? Which means, LOTS more opportunities to post my random thoughts. Lucky you.
So, to sum up: we've been busy. The usual day to day has kept us fully occupied, but we have worked in some playtime, too.

Most recently, we took The Tyke on his first official trip to Disneyland last week. I had been pimping this trip to him since February, and the hype was extensive: Youtube videos, excited descriptions of the fun he was gonna have, rentals of applicable Disney movies for reference, the whole she-bang. Basically, if this kid wasn't gonna catch the magic, I would do my best to hurl it at him at full speed and knock him over the head.
Naturally, by the time we got there, I fully expected his Disneyland-hype concussion to result in him doing cartwheels down Main Street out of sheer excitement. (Mistake #1) That didn't happen, but I was ready to excuse him: he does have those stubby little toddler arms, after all.

Our first stop was the Bug's Life ride in California Adventure. (Mistake #2). I figured that since it's his favorite movie right now, he'd love it in an interactive 3D version (Mistake #3). He was scared out of his mind. We bugged out (ha!) early and moved on to the Monsters Inc. ride (Mistake #4). Just a general note of advice: dark, loud, sensory overstimulation is not a good follow up to dark, loud, scary sensory overstimulation.

The Tyke was a mess by this time, but we rallied, took some time out to get treats and start over, and moved on to calmer outside rides (y'know...like the roller coaster and teacups). In all, we spent a couple days doing Disneyland stuff, and The Tyke had a pretty good time. I was surprised (read: completely crushed) that he wasn't as into it as i'd expected (Mistake #5). But hey, at least now I don't have to invite The Tyke on my next Disneyland trip.

The rest of our vacation was spent in Carlsbad playing at the beach, zoo, aquarium, and just taking the time out to regroup and be a family unit instead of ships passing in the night as we deal with work and daycare schedules.

I think we may try Disney again when The Tyke is older. In the meantime, we'll keep making opportunities to have adventures together. Because missing out on being a family would be the biggest mistake of all.

Technicolor Yawn

2011-02-09T22:44:00.001-07:00

I need a vacation. Oh wait- I just had one? You wouldn't have known that the way this last week and a half has gone. Usually, on the last day of a vacation, I am feeling refreshed and ready to face the daily grind again. That was ~~not even a little bit~~ mostly true this time around as well. What I didn't realize was that the daily grind would suck me in, grind me up, boil me in water and serve me up black with no cream or sugar to cut down the harshness.

The good news: We came back to a perfectly happy and well-adjusted Tyke (thanks to the efforts of Riley's mom and dad, who watched him while we were gone). The Tyke wasn't phased at all by the fact that we were gone on his birthday; something that may have been easier because we spent the whole weekend making it up to him with extra cake and ice cream.

The bad news: Going back to work the following Monday was horrific. Even though one of my coworkers had done a fantastic job covering for me, there were a ton of tasks waiting for me when I walked in the door. I barely had time to turn on my computer before work threw up all over me, spewing chunks of "must be done yesterday", "won't wait until tomorrow" and "needs to be resolved this minute" right in my face. It subsequently dripped down my arms and legs, covering the tan I worked so hard for and causing me to gag from the smell of "this needs to be made a priority".

Things have now calmed down enough so that I don't flinch when I pull up my email in the morning and I no longer hide my blackberry at the bottom of the hamper. And even though I can't take another vacation to escape work tasks, I can at least bring a poncho with me in case there's and unexpected downpour.

Maui Wowie

2011-02-01T00:08:00.001-07:00

Last week, we were fortunate enough to take 7 glorious days and travel to Maui for a vacation. This has been a trip that has been planned for almost a year, so needless to say, we were pretty excited when the time for the trip actually came.

I don't know if I may have maybe mentioned this, but Riley tends to be a tiny bit...over prepared? ...anxious? ...ready for a nuclear holocaust at any moment? We'll just say that he wanted to make sure there were no doubts that we would be ready to go as soon as that 6:00 am flight left for Maui on the 21st and that we wouldn't have to check any bags. With that in mind, he came up to me one Sunday and suggested we start assembling our clothes and other items we wanted to take to Maui. So I gathered some stuff, laid it out, and pretty much decided on what I was taking. This was January 2nd. As in, 3 weeks in advance.

The next day, I came home from work and Riley had packed EVERYTHING for our trip. As in, I could pick up my suitcase and start walking to Maui right then if I needed to. And given how early we were packed, I probably could have walked (and swam) and been there by the 21st. The only hiccup there was that my running shoes were already packed.

I guess we needed time to think over our packing strategy because 6 days before we left, we unpacked everything (well, everything I hadn't already been removing one by one as I needed them during the previous 2 weeks) and repacked again. All this preparation, however, didn't end up save us from frantically rushing around getting everything at the house sorted before we left: dropping off The Tyke with my in-laws, Dixie at the daycare, last minute cleaning. So by the time we left our house, my kitchen floors may not have been clean, but you better believe we had the most efficiently packed carry-on bags on the planet.

The trip itself was awesome. We just wanted to have a very low key trip with no schedule, and that is exactly what we got. Highlights of the trip for me were: going on a run along the beachwalk with Riley each morning, eating Huli-Huli chicken we bought from a guy grilling at Koki Beach in Hana (possibly the best meal of the trip), watching Riley get pummeled by a wave in Kapalua, trying to get our meth-addict waiter at Longboards to remember to bring me a straw, coming under fire in our hut in Hana as coconuts rained down on its tin roof from the tree out front (the PTSD from this caused us to sporadically yell "COCONUT!" any time we were startled for the duration of the trip), catching the sunrise at Hamoa Beach, and getting a chance to go to dinner and hang out with two of my siblings and their spouses (notwithstanding the weird dude hanging out in the hot tub when we all sauntered down there after we ate).

Even the horrible red-eye flight back from Maui couldn't undo all of the progress I made relaxing. I'm not sure when we will be lucky enough to make it back to Maui again, but you can be sure we will be all packed and ready to go in case that day arrives.

Who You Calling Chicken?

2011-01-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

It all started with a text message. That was it. Nothing sinister, just one text. It's all so innocent at first, and then before you know it, you are walking around the backyard trying to avoid stepping in chicken crap. Yes, I am aware the correct term is chicken shit, and believe me- no one was more happy than I was to have a real, live, legitimate reason to use the phrase "chicken shit" in context, however, in an effort to keep the Swears in check, the s-h-i-t word will be banned until I run out of willpower. Or synonyms.

So...the chickens. One night when Riley was at work and I was all by my lonesome watching random documentaries on Netflix instant view, I sent off the following message to my better half:

"I think we should move to a ranch and live off the land"

Oh...if only I had known the impact that simple sentence would have! If only I had taken a few milliseconds before releasing my little baby bird of a text message out into the universe to fly away and land in the brain of my Idaho-Farm-Boy-At-Heart husband, I would have broken my fingers before I let them type the text message that let that idea take wing. Okay fine, I'm being dramatic. I would only have needed to break my thumbs. But fly away, it did, nonetheless. And lo and behold - the baby bird turned out to be a chicken.

It wasn't long before I was bombarded - BOM.BAR.DED - with a series of messages back from Riley outlining the types of animals we should raise and informing me that he had already found the perfect property. Even after all that, I think it was the repeated assurances that you really can milk pygmy goats that sent me into crisis mode trying to keep things from getting out of hand. I'll just point out here that AT THE TIME I WROTE THE MESSAGE, I was serious. Fast forward to a few seconds later when I became the Little Dutch Boy...and you'll figure out why my mind changed.

Essentially, the point I was originally trying to make when all of this happened was that we really should start eating organic and take charge of where our food is coming from and what we are putting into our bodies. As I thought about it - and especially where we live - it wouldn't take all that much to go forward with [a toned down version] of Riley's suggestion. However, since moving isn't really an option at this point and our quarter-acre lot won't fit the chickens, goats, and cow Riley would like to put there, we ended up compromising on just chickens. I know it's cheaper to buy organic eggs than own chickens. But with this solution, Riley gets to have a bit of his farmer side satisfied, I get my eggs and my chicken poop fertilizer for the garden, and The Tyke gets new chores cleaning out the chicken coop. Everybody's happy.

If I were to be really honest here, I'll admit that if we could make it happen, I would seriously consider moving out to some property where we can live in a more sustainable way. But don't tell that to Riley yet. I think it's best if I keep that idea cooped up for a while. I'm just too chicken.

Unresolved

2011-01-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

Don't say it, I know. I am a blog tease. I swear this time, I'll go all the way. I'll actually start blogging regularly. Unless, of course, I get a better offer. When does Parks and Recreation start up again??

In honor of the new year, I figured it was time to set some new goals for myself and decide where I want to be 365 days from now. I am not that positive, however, so in true Mel B fashion, I'm making resolutions for what I do NOT want in the coming year.

1) I do NOT want a repeat of our pumpkin patch/railroad excursion this last fall. I won't mention the name, but it is pretty much the only railroad within driving distance of my house that requires you take out a second mortgage in order to pay for tickets (and that was with a coupon).

Sounds nice, doesn't it? And sure, The Tyke enjoyed it. But keep in mind this is a kid who asked me the other day if we could drive to the doctor so he could get a shot. According to the description on the website, we enjoyed a ~~10 minute ride to the edge of a neighborhood of houses~~ scenic journey into the mountains where our kid was able to explore a ~~pile of store-bought pumpkins~~ pumpkin patch. He was then ~~handed 3 stickers~~ able to decorate his own pumpkin and enjoyed ~~lukewarm hot-chocolate-flavored water and a stale cookie~~ a special treat. I'm not sure if the highlight for me was 1) the total lack of organization which resulted in mass chaos as everyone exited the train at the "pumpkin patch", or 2) the organizers of the outing not providing enough stickers for each child to be able to have some, or 3) standing around for 45 minutes waiting to get back on board the train since they drop you off in a field for an hour. I know for sure that Riley's favorite part was when The Tyke pooped his diaper and I had to improvise and make my own changing area.

Well, I guess one part of this trip was billed correctly: it definitely did create lasting memories for our whole family.

2) I do NOT want to go through another 9 month backyard remodel. Lucky for me I won't have to. We're doing the front yard this year. This is the only time I will be grateful for the snow outside since it covers up the mud pit that used to be our front lawn. There's a method to this decision, I swear - we just can't seem to avoid the madness. Particularly that of our neighbors who are tired of our projects.

3) I do NOT want to accrue any more chickens. Er...chickens? ...More? Yup. Please welcome Henrietta, Henna, Henbane, and Henley to our lives.

The two black and white birds in the picture, Duck and Goose, found a new home since I was convinced they were roosters (aka agents of the devil). Plus, as we all know, I have a very, tiny, miniscule, slight, minute, itty-bitty...aversion to birds (see here for a reference to my crippling phobia), so I figure keeping the numbers down makes it less likely I'll run out of ammo if they decide to revolt and I need to take them out. Yes, I have pictured this scenario and I may or may not have also estimated how much time it would take for me to retrieve and load our shotgun in the even of an attack. The story behind the chickens will be for another post, but for now, I'll just say that I had a moment the other day when I realized my life had turned out wildly different than I ever imagined it would when I found myself saying, "Oh crap, I forgot to feed the chickens."

4) Finally, I do NOT want to miss out on being the wife to this guy...

...and the mom to these guys:

I think they are all pretty swell. And you won't change my mind on that. It's resolved.

In Summation

2010-11-16T00:53:00.000-07:00

I thought about summarizing all of the things I have been up to lately as a triumphant return to the blog, but then I figured this post would be way too short if I did that. So basically, I will just say- I've been spending a lot of time with this guy:

The Tyke is growing up fast, and it rocks! And for every day older he becomes, it means I am one day farther away from the awful, mind-numbing baby days, so really...good news all around. But I am still amazed at how my role as The Tyke's mom keeps on changing. I've morphed from the baby grower/feeder/carrier into the toddler entertainer/playmate/owie-kisser-better...who can do a wicked Elmo impression, I might add. My previous unwillingness to accept that I am officially a wife and mother has finally gone away thanks to ~~some serious anti-depressants~~ a helpful and loving husband and a little bit of perspective. The fact that The Tyke is my best buddy instead of a little shit doesn't hurt, either. Because as we all know, I won't take crap from anyone.

Zonked

2010-05-23T15:31:00.000-06:00

One of these days, Life will calm down enough for me so that I can have more time/energy/brain power to come back to the blog. Until then, I apologize. If you need proof that the daily grind keeps us pretty busy, here is a glimpse of what happens at our house when we stop for a breather...

I may or may not have just tried to cyber-pinch The Tyke's little cheeks. I just love these guys.

Favorite Things - Spring 2010 Edition

2010-04-22T22:25:00.002-06:00

So, technically it's time for Favorite Things again. Only problem is, as this is the Spring 2010 edition, I feel like it should actually BE Spring when I post these. However, seeing as Utah can't seem to make up its mind as to which season we are in, I am just gonna go out on a limb here [a limb covered simultaneously with new blossoms and snow] and post these anyway.

1) The Sesame Street: 40 Years of Sunny Days DVD I bought for The Tyke. Oh wait, are we being honest here? Then I will admit I really bought this DVD for me. The Tyke could care less about Sesame Street. Unless Buzz Lightyear is added to the cast, I don't see him transferring his attention to educational tv programs anytime soon. So, yes, this DVD was purely for me for sentimental reasons. It does not disappoint; all my favorite Sesame Street moments are on it and even some that were new to me (Robert DeNiro pretending to be a cabbage, anyone?). And hopefully The Tyke will realize soon how awesome Sesame Street really is. Especially because, unlike some other children's characters, this tv show will be relevant to infinity and beyond.

2) Kashi TLC granola bars. These have been my favorite granola bars for a few years because they are actually pretty good for you. I tried so hard to find granola bars and protein bars that weren't essentially candy bars in disguise and I finally lucked out with these. They have a good amount of protein and fiber, are low in sugar, and they taste good. This is the Goldilocks and the Three Bears of granola bars. Seriously, they are "juuuust right".

3) Budokon. A while ago, Riley's work schedule changed and I found myself in a predicament when it came to getting to the gym at a time that didn't require that I become nocturnal. I quickly got bored with my workout dvd's and decided to try one on Budokon and just loved it. It's part yoga, which I have loved since taking it up when I was pregnant, part martial arts, and all challenging since I am the most beginnerly of beginners when it comes to this type of workout. But it's fun, holds my attention and doesn't require a gym pass or night vision.

4) Audiobooks. It's occurred to me that I spend a TON of time in the car commuting, running errands, and taking trips up to The Compound. It's also occurred to me that I have to constantly renew books I have checked out from the library because I am so distracted by Life, I have a hard time finishing them in a timely manner. Enter the audiobooks section of my local library. While it doesn't have as diverse a selection as physical books, I get through more books this way and have much more fun doing it. Plus it saves me from morning radio. I am a kinder, gentler commuter now that I have Jim Dale, David Suchet, and Jeremy Irons (to name a few) to keep me company along the way.

5) The Tyke's ever-expanding vocabulary. I'm aware that I could make The Tyke a Favorite Thing in every edition, but lately I have noticed that his vocabulary has just taken off and he has become my favorite form of amusement. I love to hear what he has to say because I get to see how his brain is working to make sense of this great big world he's found himself in. He's been dubbed 'The Clown' at daycare and he just has the funniest, most innocent and straightforward way of saying things. He is learning please and thank you and will request, "More chokit milk, thank ooo!" He growls at Dixie: "Kissie, come! Nooooow!" He calls strawberry Qwik "strawby grandma milk," thanks to my mom, who he calls "Grandma Frodo" because of their new dog, Frodo. It's not all chatter, however. Today, when he was put in time out at daycare (a place he frequents quite often, apparently), Ms. Mabel was surprised when he wasn't crying or talking back because she could see he was really upset. He just glared at her for a second and then let out one loud, earsplitting fart. I gotta hand it to the kid, he knows how to get his point across.

Cold War

2010-04-09T23:17:00.001-06:00

Don't worry. I'm alive. But just barely, considering I am going on day 9 of The Worst-Cold/Sinus-Infection On-the-Face-of-the-Planet-That-I-Wouldn't-Wish-On-My-Worst-Enemy...But-Then-Again-Maybe-I-Would. But we'll get to that in a minute. First: Updates.

At the end of March, we went to San Diego with some of the fam. Lots of sun, sand, and relaxation.

Oh, and lots of time spent with this guy...

This grumpy-looking bearded fellow just happens to be my husband. And I would like to add, that had the beard lasted longer than the week we spent in San Diego, he may not have retained that position for long. Acting like a Disney cartoon dwarf is one thing... looking like one is quite another.

Other than that, we haven't been up to much besides entertaining The Tyke with trips out and lots of Easter loot (which may have resulted from a somewhat guilty conscience after leaving him behind at The Compound with my parents while we went to San Diego).

So, anyway, back to The Worst-Cold/Sinus-Infection On-the-Face-of-the-Planet-That-I-Wouldn't-Wish-On-My-Worst-Enemy...But-Then-Again-Maybe-I-Would. Seriously, folks. I thought I was dying. As in death. As in, I thought I wouldn't make it through to see who the winner is on the season finale of Dancing With the Stars. Read: a fate worse than death. This is how it's gone down for me:

Day 1: Minor sore throat, but nothing to worry about. Drink a cup of herbal tea (#1).
Day 2: Start to lose my voice. Spend the day squeaking my communications to my coworkers. Throat still sore. Drink more cups of herbal tea (#2 and #3).
Day 3: Congestion and 'Tiny Tim" -esque cough arrive. More tea (#4).
Day 4: Official cold. Voice no longer sounds like pre-pubescent teen, now sounds like Kathleen Turner. Tea (#5).
Day 5: Official COLD!! Can barely lift head off pillow due to immense sinus pressure. Vaguely wonder if someone had snuck in and stuffed the marshmallow peeps from The Tyke's Easter basket up my nose while I was asleep. Stay home from work. Tea (#6). Spend the rest of the day worrying about what I wasn't getting done at work and counting remaining peeps in the house, just to be sure. More tea (#7).
Day 6: OH THIS COLD SUCKS! Back to work. Though as drugged up as possible over the last 6 days, was told by coworkers that I looked like "I didn't feel too good," that I look like "should be in bed" that they better not "catch the plague" from me, and that I looked like I was having a "rough time." Turn shower on as hot as it will go, remove the detachable shower head, put it on my forehead and sit there for 30 minutes and pray that even if it doesn't clear up the pressure making my entire head throb, maybe a 3rd degree burn will distract my from the pain. Bring on the tea (#7 and #8).
Day 7: CURSE YOU COOOOOOOOOOOOOLD! Stay home from work. Try not to touch my right cheekbone for fear any pressure will cause my eye to pop out of its socket. Tea, please (#9, #10, #11).
Day 8: I'M DYING! THIS COLD IS GOING TO KILL ME! DEAD! Awake at 3 a.m. Coughing wakes up The Tyke at 5 a.m. Have a cup of something substantially stronger than herbal tea and head to work. Pull the "I'm a relative" card to get an appointment with my Uncle, who is an ENT. Return to work with a diagnosis of a sinus infection, a prescription for an antibiotic, and faith that there will be an end to my affliction. Leave a message on the husband's cell phone to say "See? I told you it was sinus infection, sucka!!" Realize later that Riley would be wondering why Kathleen Turner had left him a message that said "See? I tode you it wad a sidus infection, sucka!!" Right side of my head finally starts to clear up. Celebratory tea (#12).
Day 9: I HOPE THIS COLD BURNS IN HELL! Congestion and pressure from right side of my head has moved to the left overnight. Dejected tea (#13). Head to work, where I am told "you look worse." However, begin to feel better after taking a nap in my car at lunch. Feel mixed emotions when someone tells me my right cheek no longer looks swollen. Come home and realize that the mind-numbing sinus pressure is almost gone and congestion has gone from peeps stage to manageable. Annoying, Tiny Tim-esque cough decides it hasn't gotten enough attention and develops into larger, scrape the back of your lungs and assist in the removal of internal organs-esque cough. But I can live with that.

Now I'm at the end of Day 9, and I really think that The Worst-Cold/Sinus-Infection On-the-Face-of-the-Planet-That-I-Wouldn't-Wish-On-My-Worst-Enemy...But-Then-Again-Maybe-I-Would is finally on its way out. Which is good because I am out of tea.

Nobody Likes a Tattletale

2010-02-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

Now that The Tyke has hit the ripe old age of 2, I'm finding that his personality is blossoming like crazy. It seems like he suddenly went from being a helpless baby to a fully functioning human overnight. Which puts me in a conflicted state of mind. On one hand, I am experiencing relief that the baby stage is mercifully over and Riley can stop hiding the razor blades and heavy drugs from me. On the other hand, I'm trying to process the feelings of panic that have come from realizing that I will actually be accountable for the things that The Tyke learns in my home. With that in mind, I am trying to teach him valuable life lessons.

I try to teach him to be curious and encourage him to explore. Like the time he explored his way through the bookcase in the office, one book at a time. The paper trail left behind would have incriminated both me and The Tyke when Riley got home, therefore, a cover-up was quickly instigated and an ironclad excuse offered: The dog did it. It may not have been the best excuse in history, but it still ranks higher than "I am not a crook" and "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

I show The Tyke how to compromise when I tell him things like, "Three more bites of dinner, then you can have an M&M."

I also try to teach him how to be reasonable and talk things out. An example I set daily when my response to his oft-repeated phrase of "Don't wanna!" is "Too bad."

And of course, his language skills are increasing all the time as he discovers even more words to add to his vocabulary like "Sunny" (honey), "Ah moe" (I want more), "Peez" (please), "Kay Pu" (thank you), "Tip-ski" (Dixie), and "%@*#!" (%@*#!).

On second thought, maybe I'm not so relieved at the new skills The Tyke is learning. Now that he can understand more things and talk, that means he can also tell on me. I may still be ok though. I'll just say the dog did it.

At Least I Wasn't Tasered

2010-02-10T21:06:00.002-07:00

I overheard this song while I was flipping through radio stations on the way to work this morning. And I am willing to post it on the blog even though it does expose that I was listening to the Bob and Tom show long enough to hear the aforementioned song. This is one instance where The Funny outweighs the accompanying shame. Well, this and the time I almost knocked myself out when I ran headfirst into a tree branch in the dark. The best outcome of that scenario was that no one was around to see how panicked I was when I thought that, in addition to being clotheslined by an inanimate object, I had also landed in dog crap.

Una Buena Fiesta

2010-02-02T22:21:00.001-07:00

The Tyke turned 2 last Thursday. For his birthday this year, he ended up celebrating 3 times. Once at daycare, once at The Compound with Mama Jean, Roberto, and my family, and once with Riley's family in Lehi. I'm sure The Tyke didn't mind, but even I, She-Who-Must-Have-Sugar-Or-Will-Immediately-Die-In-The-Most-Agonizingly-Painful-Way-From-Withdrawals, have reached my birthday cake limit.

Which makes me feel compelled to mention...do you know what happens to brand new 2 year olds who are given birthday cake and treats regularly several days in a row? Do you know what happens to their mothers? Euphoria and Armageddon, respectively. That's what happens. It's days later and I can't hear The Tyke's sweet little voice asking me for some "Can-ny?" without having the urge to duck and cover under the kitchen table and brace for disaster when I tell him no.

Despite the fall-out, the actual birthday celebration(s) were very fun. We threw a big fiesta-themed party at The Compound last weekend. Though I didn't go as overboard as last year with the decorations, a trip to the party store with Heather resulted in the purchase of a few party items I couldn't pass up. I made labels in Spanish and put them on a bunch of random items in the house, Mama Jean and Riley cooked some awesome dishes (special thanks to Riley's Mexican friend at work who gave him the recipe for authentic carne asada and spanish rice) and watching Dixie's exchange with the giant piñata provided the entertainment.

Since pictures are always the most sought after part of the blog (Hi, Mom!), I figured I would just put them all together in a slide show. Diviértanse!

Givin' it Away for Free

2010-02-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

My good friend, Barb, has a blog. You should read it, she's fabulous. Especially since she even mentioned me once. So, now I feel validated.

Besides having excellent taste in friends, she is also a fantastic photographer who just so happens to be having a giveaway on her blog. Check it out.

Favorite Things - Winter 2010 Edition

2010-01-22T20:55:00.015-07:00

1) The Perfect Brownie Baking Pan. I got this for Christmas from my brother-in-law and his wife and found that it was everything I hoped it would be and more! I love it and the perfectly sized little brownie babies it makes. Why should I be surprised? The TV told me that would happen. And we all know TV never lies.

2) The song 'Just Breathe' by Pearl Jam. I dare you to listen to this song and not sigh with contentment. Lyrics, style, music- everything about this song just does it for me. It's one of those sweet songs that makes your insides go 'Ahhhh...' and gives you the urge to run through fields of wildflowers in slow motion in the rain with no coat, no shoes and without anything in particular to do besides just be. And then you snap out of it to discover your kid has decided to just be in the kitchen pantry where he can steal marshmallows.

3) Mi Ranchito Restaurant. Why is it so hard to find really good Mexican food? Anyone? Since the demise of Casa Melinda in Bountiful (may it rest in peace), it's been almost impossible for me to find a Mexican place I really love. I discovered Mi Ranchito when I lived in Orem and it helped me get through those long and painful years in the heart of Happy Valley. Lucky for me, there is also a restaurant in American Fork by my house and one in Sandy by my work, so it's easy to get my chicken chimichanga fix whenever I need it. And the best part is, I will never again have to go down into the abyss of Orem/Provo in order to eat there.

4) My Outback. Now I understand what true love feels like, and I am not ashamed. I will stand proudly next to my partner and proclaim my love for it until the day I die. Social mores be damned!

5) Walter Russell Mead's blog at The American Interest Online. The main reason I love this blog is because it talks about relevant issues and it's not boring. GASP! Walter Russell Mead is a such a great writer and he picks some incredibly interesting and compelling topics. I love that he is so obviously a history buff and weaves that knowledge into his posts. For me, reading his blog is like the online equivalent to exercising since he makes me think and gets the gears in my brain moving to work off all the celebrity gossip fluff that has accumulated there over the years. And even though I admit to indulging in the guilty pleasure that is people.com, I can't make it through the day without getting my recommended daily allowance of Walter Russell Mead's blog.

Exercise? Discipline? Affirmative.

2010-01-19T20:31:00.012-07:00

So...a new year. Now that all the fun and excitement of the holidays has completely worn off and we are entering the soul-crushing, frozen hell that is late January and February in Utah, I've been thinking a lot about the goals I want to set for myself and where I want to be by this time next year (which is, hopefully, passed out on a beach in Hawaii).

Since keeping actual New Year's Resolutions is ~~impossible~~ not easy for me, I've decided to take the advice of my good friend, Barb, and choose a word to help steer me through this next year. And, you will be shocked to discover that my word is not a profanity (though The Swears have always and will continue to serve me well through many years to come).

Even though I didn't officially define 2009's word, looking back I realize that the theme of the year was 'Explore'. And I did. And because of that, The Tyke and I were able to have moments like this:

and this:

and, of course, this:

I hope that we aren't even close to being finished with our exploring, but I've decided that with all the playing that's been happening, there are other important things that I have been neglecting. So with that in mind, and in honor of The Tyke entering his Terrible Two's in a couple days, my word for 2010 is going to be "Discipline".

Discipline in making sure I provide active mothering to The Tyke so that we can enjoy more adventures this year. Discipline in the way I work. Discipline in working out. Discipline in taking care of things around the house so I can enjoy playtime without guilt (if the day ever comes where I happen to feel guilty for playing). Discipline in the way I conduct myself so that I don't have to do damage control after saying something thoughtless. And discipline in making sure that my life is in decent enough shape so that spontaneity can always override discipline.

Secret Ingredient

2010-01-10T18:55:00.002-07:00

I was wondering why no one ever seems to want to come over for dinner...

'Nuff Said

2010-01-08T22:03:00.002-07:00

This is possibly the best television clip of all time. Thank you, Jon Stewart, for consistently bringing The Funny. I do have to say, though, I don't know what's worse: the total incompetence of the people in charge for not preventing this situation, or the fact that the only place I feel like I can get an accurate news report is on a cable comedy show.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Terror 2.0 by Yemen

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

A Screamin' Good Time

2009-12-30T15:54:00.002-07:00

While doing laundry today, I made the mistake of turning my back on the almost-two-year-old who lives with me. Then I discovered that my clothes dryer was speaking to me. Since I unfortunately hadn't taken any heavy medication this morning, I quickly realized this is what happened:

Here, There and Everywhere

2009-12-27T15:53:00.008-07:00

There's been so much going on lately, December has felt like a month and a half for us. With that in mind, I considered splitting this post up into easy to swallow bite-size pieces but decided against it after The Lazy set in. So forgive the random, ranting post that follows. The amount of effort required to upload and explain my pictures from December is probably all that my brain can handle for the remainder of the year. The rest of my energy is being used up trying to clear my system of a major sugar overdose and the anger that comes from driving in snowy Utah weather. As much Christmas spirit as I like to think I have during December, it is completely ruined when my regularly 20 minute commute becomes over an hour each way as I am forced to drive in first gear over the point of the mountain. The snow and idiotic drivers the other day were frustrating enough to overpower the peppy Christmas carols playing through my speakers and cause me to yell, "Screw you, Bing Crosby!" at the car stereo.

Before the War On White Christmas began for me, December was kicked off with the arrival of my nephew, Stegen. This is the second boy cousin on the Baker side born after The Tyke. I am loving that the number of cousins close to The Tyke's age keeps growing. And I will admit, snuggling that little munchkin and experiencing his baby cuteness brought back all of the memories of when The Tyke was that little... and reaffirmed my desire not to go through it again by having another one. Congratulations to the happy family and congratulations to me on retaining an empty womb.

Two weeks into the month, The Tyke had to go under anesthesia for some dental work. Among some other repercussions that come from having a preemie, weak teeth is a big one. Amazingly, the development of teeth take a back seat when all of the energy in their little body is focused on maintaining vital functions, like breathing, when they are first born. Result: silver caps on The Tyke's molars because his teeth are too soft and yet one more thing for his mom to internalize and feel responsible for. Like somehow I should have fixed it or prevented him from having to go through this at all. Despite my own baggage, The Tyke looks like a freakin' stud and I would be lying if I didn't consider getting him toddler-sized Grillz to match his new bling.

After The Tyke was recovered from his first big adventure with heavy medication, Riley and I dropped him at The Compound for some quality time with Mama Jean and Roberto and we headed out to Vegas to celebrate our 7th (SEV-ENTH!) anniversary. There is no better way to celebrate the beginning of lucky year #7 than surrounding ourselves with mediocre buffets, tacky costumes, and the smell of stale cigarette smoke. We are 100% classy, all the way.

Christmas came and went quickly for us. It was the first time The Tyke understood the concept of opening presents and could get excited about the contents inside the wrapping and not just care about the bow that decorates it. My goal this year was to not buy him anything that required batteries- I wanted him to do the playing, not have the toy do the playing for him. Well, I missed one item in the toy tool set we bought him, a battery powered drill which he seems to think is a machine gun more than anything else. Of course, it's his favorite item and he spent the whole night chasing us around doing his best Al Pacino imitation.

All in all, I am happy to have been able to spend another fun Christmas with the people I love. Even if it includes 'saying hello to The Tyke's Little Friend.'

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

Stealthy

2009-12-14T14:09:00.001-07:00

Among other reasons, this is why I will probably never own a cat. Fra-heeeks me out.

Milk Man

2009-12-08T22:44:00.002-07:00

Riley comes in to bring some milk for The Tyke, who is awake and upset at 11:30 p.m. last night.

Me: "Oh, I thought we were out of milk. Did you just go and buy some?"

Riley: "Well, I certainly didn't milk myself."

Still Learning

2009-12-03T23:19:00.002-07:00

More proof that this kid will keep doing anything if he gets even a small reaction from other people. He could have a career as a Hollywood starlet, no problem.

I'm also hoping that the horrible video quality will help disguise the mess in the background, seeing as we took this video on laundry day. Or at least that will be my excuse for the time being.

As Seen on TV

2009-11-29T21:31:00.011-07:00

Oh how I love long weekends. If for no other reason than that it gives me a chance to get around to updating the blog. Unfortunately for anyone reading, it won't be a very exciting update. We haven't been up to much these days.

Thanksgiving was low-key for us. We planned to go to the Little America for the brunch, but were scared off by the thought of the crowds and the image of The Tyke with unlimited food choices laid out in the most appealing way possible. It occurred to us that if we wanted to get home before next year's Thanksgiving (and not be banned from the Little America forever), we should make a different plan. So we went down to Cracker Barrel instead. It was perfect. You know you're going to be getting great comfort food at a place that warns you on the menu that most things are cooked in pig fat.

The rest of the night and weekend after that, we just relaxed and got some things done around the house. And by "some things," I mean we had a Magnum PI marathon. Even though I was delirious from too much pie, I do remember that at about 9:45 on Thursday night, I was feeling particularly thankful for well-groomed moustaches and short shorts.

To round out the weekend, we officially kicked off the Christmas season at the Bakers on Sunday night by making ~~graham cracker~~ gingerbread houses. As with anything that turns out even a tiny bit artistic around here, Riley made and decorated the house while The Tyke and I ~~ate candy~~ supervised. Don't ask me why the gingerbread versions of me and Riley are holding bananas. Apparently, it's art and therefore defies explanation.

All in all, I think the weekend and our gingerbread house turned out great. It's no Robin's Nest in Oahu, but if Riley added a black licorice moustache to his gingerbread man and a mini Hot Wheels Ferrari out front we could get a pretty decent Magnum PI replica, but it would never be quite complete. I don't think Magnum's shorts come in sizes any smaller than they already are.

Hop to It

2009-11-04T19:44:00.006-07:00

Where have I been? Not updating the blog, that's for sure. The Tyke and I have been trying to get the most out of what is left of the warm weather and have been spending as much time as possible out and about. And considering it's snowed already, we've decided we may be about done having fun in the sunshine for the season. That's the thing about snow in October. The entire month is a mad dash to do the things you didn't get around to doing in the summer and then - BAM! - the snow has to make an appearance. And it's not so much to bring in the winter as to show you who's boss when it comes to outdoor activities. I swear that the day I looked out and saw the snow falling, I could distinctly hear "Neener, neener, neener!" being chanted over and over outside my window.

The Tyke doesn't realize what's in store once winter officially arrives, so he is just enjoying the zoo, scarecrow festival, deer check station, and all the fun outside without a care in the world. Except for maybe when he will be getting another bag of fruit snacks.

When I'm not busy squeezing out the last few drops of summer, work fills up the rest of my days, with few surprises. Although yesterday, a few of us went to an Excel training workshop downtown (which, btw, was completely pointless and made me wish I was back at work). When we took a break for lunch, we walked into the lobby and saw a guy standing there holding a baby kangaroo in his arms, complete with a pink collar and Cinderella diaper. I have to admit, the phrase I would have least expected to hear come out of my mouth that day was "Holy crap, is that a baby kangaroo?" But there it was. Then again, I take that back. It was the second to last thing I would expect to hear myself say BESIDES the unholy combination of words that are, "Sarah Palin for president." I'm thinking I better watch my mouth just in case any other surprises happen and my brain suddenly suffers from political amnesia.

Even if the guy holding the workshop had done a better job, he still wouldn't have stood a chance next to Roxy the kangaroo. And who knows? After the way she stole the limelight from the man who was originally meant to be the main focus of attention, maybe Roxy could make a run for ~~president~~ vice president in the next election. As long as she doesn't talk about her kangaroo friend "Joey the plumber" too much.

Favorite Things - Fall 2009 Edition

2009-10-14T21:26:00.009-06:00

1) Tortillaland Uncooked Flour Tortillas. I don't know why this didn't occur to me sooner. These are so quick and easy to cook up and they taste SO much better than ones that are already cooked. I'll never go back to the ready to eat kind, it's that big a difference. I will, admit that Riley was the one who originally bought these and I didn't immediately realize they were uncooked when I took out the first one and made a quesadilla for The Tyke. I've never seen a more perfect mingling of confusion, amazement, and laughter than I saw in Riley's face when I asked him what was wrong with the tortillas.

2)Halloween Stores. Do I need to explain this one? I love everything about these stores from the smell to the scary background music to the inappropriate costumes. And I'm not the only one who loves it. The Tyke got so into the Halloween spirit when we were shopping at one of the stores that he didn't want to leave. Of all the scary things in the store that day, nothing was quite so frightening as a toddler throwing a tantrum.

3) My BB Dakota Jacket. I bought this jacket in brown 2 years ago and have loved it. So comfortable and perfect for fall. That said, I seriously considered removing it from this favorite things edition because, after looking online for pictures of it to post here, I have since discovered it has been dubbed the "Twilight jacket" because Bella wore it in that TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, PAINFULLY AWFUL movie. Even though the jacket has now been tainted by association, I can't completely reject it because something about it keeps me coming back for more. Not unlike how I feel about the Twilight books, actually. Metaphor, anyone?

4) Peggy's Premium Edamame. I buy these in the frozen section of Costco. Surprised? Of course not. I love edamame in general, but I love THIS particular kind because it's packaged in little individual bags of edamame that you just cut a slit in and throw in the microwave for 2 minutes. It works perfectly for me because not only is it simple to fix at work with no dishes/boiling water to worry about, but it's easy to just grab one from the freezer on my way out the door in the morning. Plus, they are fun to eat and if you squeeze the beans out of the pods just right, you can shoot them at your coworkers.

5) Muse. Great band. I will be the first to admit that I know nothing about music and I don't have very eclectic taste. But- I do know what I like and I love love love Muse. And to quote Heather, "Is is bad that I feel like they are more legitimate because they are English?"

Overstimulated

2009-10-09T22:52:00.005-06:00

Taking your kid to the grandparents' house is always a special event for any mom. Highlights include another set of eyes to watch The Tyke, a new house to keep him occupied for a full 5 seconds, and a chance to relax and just enjoy being around people who are required to like you.

For The Tyke, going to his grandparents' house is the toddler equivalent of a frat party. The house is a mess in no time, he's all hopped up on cookies and juice, and he ends up wandering around in a daze without his pants on. The Tyke also has several attractive women to fawn all over him, depending on how many sorority sisters-in-law are around.

A full day of partying does eventually catch up with him, however, and I was lucky enough to capture it on video when The Tyke started to come crashing down from the sugar high.

It's just too bad I didn't have my camera around for the chocolate milk bong.

Phase I

2009-09-27T21:07:00.004-06:00

The backyard remodel has officially begun. Well, it actually begun a month ago when Riley decided to tear out the back deck. We've been talking about ripping out the backyard and starting over ever since we bought our house, but I have to admit I was surprised when Riley suddenly mentioned to me in passing a few weeks ago that he'd be tearing out the deck the next weekend. Like it was no big deal, he just had the urge to demolish something and maybe I should make sure The Tyke wasn't outside that morning in case he lost a limb.

The deck was taken out pretty quickly. Maybe a little too quickly, because I remember having the distinct feeling of "Now what?" for the next week. Which turned into "Now what's taking so long?" the week after that when we had no deck, yet hadn't done anything else to get the project going. That's when we called in the big guns. In yard work terms, the 'big guns' means a rental tractor to tear out all the remaining grass and till the yard. I thought The Tyke would love riding on it. Turns out, he wasn't such a big fan, however, I was able to get him to sit in it when it wasn't moving so I could have an excuse to be up there and play with all the levers and buttons.

Once the grass came out, Riley and whoever he could bribe and/or blackmail into participating started working like crazy to get the rest of the yard tilled up and the concrete patio put down.

We even managed to get The Tyke to put his handprint in the cement. And yes, that is 'handprint' singular because when we put his left hand in, he grabbed a glob of cement in his fist. Because going along with what the parents want is apparently not as entertaining as giving Riley a heart attack after hours of laying and smoothing the cement. Needless to say, my plan to also put Dixie's paws in the cement was quickly rejected after The Tyke's little maneuver. It will be yet another item I will add to the list of Things to be Bitter About, right after 'The cancellation of Arrested Development' and 'Leggings'.

All in all, the yard is coming along, and I'm excited for it to be finished in the next week. After saying that, I should probably knock on wood so I don't jinx myself. Unfortunately, now that the deck is gone, I no longer have any.

Back for More

2009-09-23T23:23:00.004-06:00

For the small handful of people that actually read this, I will get back to blogging more often, however, for now, you'll just have to deal with pictures of The Tyke. Call it laziness, call it a lack of inspiration, or call it a brain completely fried from long work days, a 1 1/2 year old, and the backyard remodeling project from hell. I call it My Life Right Now.

In the meantime, this is what The Tyke has been doing...

Studying...

Conducting business...

Dishwashing...

Fading...

Eleven

2009-09-11T19:57:00.002-06:00

We finally found just the right car to fit our needs that is also fun to drive. Unfortunately, that means I am now the official owner of a Mom Car. Requirements: car seat, animal cracker remnants on the floor, a box of kleenex in the back window, and a tree car freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. And for the Outback edition of the Mom Car image to be complete, please include a Starbucks in the cup holder, a pair of Merrells (Birkenstocks also acceptable) and a golden retriever in the back.

I hope I can still respect myself in the morning.

Passing Laughs

2009-09-01T21:54:00.002-06:00

The Farting Preacher

More proof that I have not emotionally matured past the age of 11. I laughed so hard I cried, even after watching this multiple times. Possibly the best 2 minutes and 45 seconds I will spend all week.

Bear With Me

2009-08-30T00:02:00.005-06:00

It's taken me a while to get around to posting about our recent trip to Bear Lake. That's partly because I am lazy, but mostly because season 3 of Flight of the Conchords and Dexter have been released on DVD. Until I make it all the way through those DVD's a few times, the blogging will be minimal and all you'll hear from me is maniacal laughter coming from the direction of my living room. Television magic courtesy of two New Zealanders seriously lacking in self-awareness and the friendly serial killer next door.

To sum up: Bear Lake was a good time. The first few days were chilly but it warmed up later in the week and we were able to enjoy hanging out in the pool and the lake without being so cold we emerged looking like smurfs.

We had a nice, low key vacation hiking, playing frisbee, sampling raspberry shakes from almost every possible supplier, and hanging out with family. However, I did learn 2 things after this trip to Bear Lake. The first thing is that The Tyke has allergies. To what, I don't know. After a short hike, I noticed there was something different about him. Namely, his eyes had disappeared and had been replaced with two puffy pink marshmallows. A stop at the only place in the area that sells medicine, the local pharmacy/health center/library/fire station/city hall/shake stand provided us with Benadryl, a happy kid, and coincidentally, a very restful night all around. Praise be to antihistamine!

The second thing I learned about trips to Bear Lake is that it's probably a good idea to bring a boat or a watercraft of some kind. We didn't have anything to take out on the lake and still had a great time, but I felt like I was missing out on a potentially awesome aspect of the trip because...um...Lake? Water activities? Chance to relive all of the Jaws nightmares from my childhood that emerged any time I was in water and couldn't see the bottom? Who would want to miss that? To satisfy my need to get out on the water, we ended up ~~getting royally screwed~~ renting a waverunner one of the days and riding around for a while. Riley is now deaf in one ear after an hour of me squealing with delight as I clung to his life jacket for dear life.

Which reminds me about one final thing I learned this trip: If you are the passenger on a waverunner, don't call the driver a wuss if you don't think he's going fast enough. He might just call your bluff.

You Say Potato

2009-08-24T23:11:00.002-06:00

Today...

A workman walks past my desk on the way to the elevator, pushes the button, and I hear him say: "Well this one works, I don't know what's going on with the other one."

Me: "Oh, is the service elevator broken again?"

Workman: "It's not broken, it just doesn't work!"

Candid Moment

2009-08-15T11:09:00.004-06:00

I love this picture.

Scaredy Cat

2009-08-09T21:21:00.005-06:00

Dixie is many things, both good and not so good, but one thing she is NOT is brave. At all. Not even one tiny bit. She may look tough on the outside, but inside she is filled with the same stuff you'd find in a beanie baby.

One thing that terrifies this dog is cats. In particular, my in-laws' cat, Oscar. For years, Dixie has been trying to get Oscar to play with her, and for years he has had to show her again and again that he is not interested. At all. Not even one tiny bit. After having her butt kicked by Oscar several times, she has learned that going anywhere near him is bad news and usually won't go near him unless a human is standing in between her and the cat as a buffer. So much for loyalty.

I finally caught this interaction on video (though it was taken with my point and click camera and not a video camera so the quality is right up there with the Blair Witch Project) and I decided I needed to share it online.

While Dixie may never be any good as a guard dog seeing as she can't hold her own against an animal 1/5 her size, the one thing she is always good for is a laugh.

Energy Crisis

2009-07-27T20:27:00.003-06:00

I admit it. So far in my adventures in Motherland, I haven't had too many embarrassing public scenes caused by The Tyke. Although I have started to realize my peaceful days are numbered now that he's a little older, a little louder, and a little more energetic. Ok, a LOT more energetic. So energetic, in fact, I've been trying to invent ways to harness this energy and use it to power a large city. This would work as long as the city was ok with a nightly blackout at about 7:30 pm when The Tyke finally crashes.

When he is up, however, The Tyke is determined to explore as much as possible, and tonight he had a chance to explore the new Texas Roadhouse in our neighborhood. He spent the 20 minute wait climbing on benches, ~~throwing~~ examining rocks, and pointing at the flag on top of the restaurant until we were seated. He managed to make it through the first round of rolls before he decided he was done. And he wasn't just letting us know he was done. He was DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEE!!!

The day your kid makes a really big scene in a public place is the day you figure out what you are truly made of. My initial reaction was to crawl under the booth and curl up in the fetal position until the only sound blasting my eardrums was too-loud country music and the annoying stomping and whooping of line dancing waitresses. Since there were too many of us sitting in the booth for me to fit under there without giving my sister-in-law the wrong impression, I had to go with the next choice, which was to take The Tyke and get the hell outta there. With the 'flight' option of my fight or flight response in high gear, I paused only long enough on my way out to grab a roll. The official reason given for this move was for it to provide me with a snack until Riley came home later with my meal, NOT to function as a stopper to put in The Tyke's mouth to keep him from screaming. Convinced?

Of course, by the time we were in the car and driving home, The Tyke was perfectly calm. That's just how it works. Because it isn't a big enough slap in the face to leave a perfectly good meal sitting there for your husband to eat in your absence, the Universe would like to rub salt in the wound. Coarse ground sea salt just like what was likely used to tenderize the perfectly cooked steak being eaten at your table.

I will definitely try to plan a little better next time we consider going out for dinner with The Tyke. And if the barometric pressure is just right, the moon isn't full, and my horoscope gives me the ok, I just might be willing venture out with The Tyke again. But only if there are plenty of rolls available. Just in case.

Water Baby

2009-07-19T21:06:00.007-06:00

Riley was out of town for the last half of this week. Inevitably, whenever he leaves, no matter how many days he will be absent, I spend the first night he is gone cleaning the entire house. It's the only time I can guarantee that the house will be clean and stay clean for an extended period without "man clutter". "Man clutter" is different in every house, too. In my house, it happens to be stacks of papers, watches left in random places, pajama pants thrown on the floor of the bedroom, and a hand towel that is always in a different spot every time I come in the kitchen. And for some reason, of all the places this towel ends up, never once does it mysteriously hang itself back where it belongs. Apparently, that would take the fun out of it.

De-cluttering and cleaning took up most of the night on Thursday and even though it was late by the time I finished, I stayed up another half hour just so I could admire my handiwork. When Riley got back on Saturday, we decided to head up to The Compound and stay overnight. Our main excuse for going was that we had a big Sunday dinner planned with the family, but I have to admit I wanted to keep Riley and his "man clutter" from unintentionally undoing all my hard work for at least one more day. I figured a trip to Syracuse was easier than locking him in Dixie's kennel for the rest of the weekend, which was my alternate plan.

The Compound was a great choice for a weekend getaway because we were able to enjoy Mama Jean's banana cream pie and hamburgers on Roberto's home-made sourdough bread. We also turned the backyard into a water park for The Tyke and for Dixie, who educated The Tyke in the finer points of drinking from the sprinkler.

With all it has to offer, The Compound is definitely becoming one of our favorite summer getaways. I just wish I could also use their cleaning lady.

Favorite Things - Summer 2009 Edition

2009-07-12T13:23:00.010-06:00

This Favorite Things post was a little more difficult to put together because I'm loving summer so much I can't narrow it down...

1) The Tyke's Magnetic Hide 'N Seek Doors toy from Lights, Camera, Interaction. I found this gem at Kid to Kid for 5 bucks. It's wooden with brass hinges on all the doors and behind each door is a magnet that can be taken out and put back. The Tyke loves it and I love that it is sturdy and original.

2) The Camelback water bottle I stole from Riley. I have a hard time getting myself to drink water in general. This may have to do with the fact that water is not caffeinated or carbonated, and it doesn't taste like Diet Dr. Pepper. Even with those faults, I understand my need to drink it and I have discovered that I drink more water from a water bottle like this one than I do from any other kind. It's got a straw instead of a lid or pull top and the spout is rubber and flips into the lid to close. And let's face it, the ominous "hydrate or die" logo printed on it is a helpful motivator to encourage me to drink my H20.

3) Sunscreen Sticks. I saw my sister-in-law's sister (did ya follow that?) using this to put sunscreen on her kids at the Round Up Parade and thought it was fantastic. I would never have understood a product like this if I didn't have The Tyke, and seeing as his skin FRIES if I even mention going outside, putting sunscreen on is a requirement every single day. It's hard enough just to get a diaper change out of him, let alone apply sunscreen to his face. Now, even though I have a tornado with arms and legs masquerading as a small child, I can get his face covered in SPF 50 before he covers it in dirt.

4) My pastry cutter. Y'know how sometimes you are given something, and while you're glad to have it, you aren't sure how much you'll use it? I got a pastry cutter for my wedding and I assumed it would be put away in the cupboard of Things That Will Never See The Light of Day Again along with a giant trifle bowl and snowman shaped serving dish. I was wrong. I have used this and continue to use this all the time. Obviously, I use it often for things that I bake, but one of the most helpful ways I've use this is to make guacamole. No joke. It works better than anything else I've used to smash avocados. It's been so great, it's got me thinking about rearranging my cupboards and giving that trifle a shot.

5) The Hunter Ceiling Fan in my room. I hate ceiling fans. I think they are tacky and they don't actually do much. However, after Riley insisted we put one in to help circulate the air from the swamp cooler, I am loving the fan in my room. It coordinates really well with the furniture, which makes me almost forgive it for being a ceiling fan. The best part is that it is remote controlled so when I wake up freezing in the middle of the night I don't have to get out of bed to turn the fan off. Of course, that only works if The Tyke hasn't taken the remote sometime during the day and carried it to a random hiding place. A tendency of which I am definitely not a fan.

Cabin Fever

2009-07-08T19:52:00.007-06:00

This past weekend, I went up to The Compound for a few days to kick off the 4th of July holiday. The original plan was to convince Mama Jean and Roberto to take me, Riley, and The Tyke out for a day of kayaking. After we got there, my mom suggested that Riley and I go kayaking while she and my dad watch The Tyke at home. For the record...I had no problem with that. Although I was a little nervous to leave The Tyke with people who were nuts enough to choose babysitting over kayaking.

Riley and I took off up to Causey Dam on Friday morning, which also gave me the chance to cruise by my grandparents' old cabin in Huntsville. The cabin was sold several years ago, so I couldn't pass up a chance to see it again. When we pulled up, I was shocked to see that the cabin was for sale.

I managed to resist the urge to run up to the cabin, pound on the windows, and demand to know why it wasn't good enough for its new owners. Didn't they know they would never find a cooler cabin than this one? Instead, I settled for spending the next hour telling Riley all about the things we used to do at the cabin which went something like "Oh! AND we played softball, AND my dad would bring in frogs from the swamp outside, AND my grandpa had a HAM radio, AND there was badminton, AND a park with playground equipment made from truck tires...."

Judging from Riley's expression, I am sure hearing my stories was not unlike listening to a 5 year old hopped up Hershey kisses explain why she loves Disney princesses, and isn't Belle's yellow dress so pretty, Ariel is really a mermaid, and did you know that Snow White had animals clean the cottage? I'm sure he contemplated ditching me in Huntsville but thought better of it when he realized he'd have to unload the kayak and all the gear by himself when he got back. I'm also thinking he didn't want to risk leaving me there in case I came home with another mortgage.

Shock and Awwww

2009-07-04T21:58:00.003-06:00

The Tyke said his first word today. The word was 'shock'. I thought it was very appropriate considering that was also my reaction when I heard it. We were all driving back from a family picnic tonight and Riley made the comment that he was "in shock at the fact that Costco would sell a bad piece of meat." Then, from the backseat I heard The Tyke say "Shock." I had to regain my composure a bit as I turned to look at the Tyke. I was still reeling from the discussion about the sub-standard steak we had eaten and wasn't sure I could handle any more surprises. He said "Shock." again and my reaction was on the same level it would have been if I had opened my front door to see Daniel Craig standing there ready to whisk me off to the Bahamas and would I mind very much if he were to go shirtless the entire time?

The Tyke thought my response to his new word was incredibly entertaining and he continued to say 'shock' until my delighted squeals were no longer as interesting as trying to fit his right foot into his mouth. By the time we got home, it was time for The Tyke to go to bed, as he indicated by initiating a meltdown at precisely 7:32 p.m. New words were forgotten as his diaper was changed and teeth were brushed to the sound of "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

After The Tyke was in bed and I had time to enjoy the silence, I was able to absorb what happened today. I guess it's a good thing we didn't talk in more detail about how we really felt about our steaks. Otherwise The Tyke's first word would likely have been a profanity.

Independent Distributor

2009-07-04T08:18:00.003-06:00

This... this is why I love America.

Rounding Out the Summer

2009-06-28T23:27:00.006-06:00

I finally feel like I have acclimated to my new hometown. This past week was the Lehi Rodeo Roundup Celebration, a week's worth of events culminating in the Lehi Roundup Rodeo and Parade at the end of the week. Though I didn't participate in the community events every day (I don't know how I will recover after missing Cowboy Poetry), I did go to the rodeo and help build a float for our neighborhood. The hard work of everyone involved (people far more skilled than me in the art of papier-mâché and glitter application) paid off because our float won a major award in the parade.

Although I have been to the parade and rodeo several times before, I've learned a few things about Roundup Days now that I have participated in the festivities as a resident. First, float construction is serious business. Friendships can potentially be ruined by the addition of a pom pom in the wrong place. At one point, I thought I might have to step in to prevent a riot when one of the committee members showed up with the news that the hardware store was out of 'Champagne' colored spray paint. Some quick thinking led us to improvise with 'Sesame Shimmer' and an extra coating of spray glitter to make up for the loss. They would never live up to their full potential, but the reins on the cardboard seahorses would have to pass with the substitution.

The second thing I learned about Roundup week is to never, ever, EVER(!) call it anything other than Roundup week. Or at least not within hearing distance of people who grew up here. I thought Riley was going to jump out of the car and vandalize some city decorations when we drove past a banner that referred to last week as Celebration Days. Apparently, a Roundup by any other name does NOT smell as sweet.

Third, although you may think that the parades held Friday night and Saturday morning are the same, they are not. The floats are mostly the same, but if you only go to the Grand Parade on Saturday, you will miss out on the guy marching with his bluetooth in his ear and the kids in the parade stopping their scooters in the middle of the road to pick up stray candy, nearly causing a 3 float pile-up in the process. The Tyke didn't seem to notice these important differences, however, and was content to push his stroller around and beg for sips of our soda at both events.

The last thing I learned is that Roundup week is even more fun now that I live in Lehi. I'll just have to be patient until it comes around again next year. In the meantime, I'll be stocking up on 'Champagne'.

Driving Force

2009-06-24T20:29:00.005-06:00

It's been an interesting month. I came home from work a few weeks ago to the news from Riley that someone was "coming to look at the Taurus." I wondered why. Did it suddenly become interesting and not a piece of crap when I wasn't paying attention? Did it develop the color-changing abilities of Hot Wheels when dunked in water? Is the night-life in Lehi really that bad?

Turns out, Riley had finally reached his breaking point with the Taurus after only a few months and decided to sell it. Nothing was really wrong with the car, apart from the heinous sin of its being a Ford, and Riley had it sold the next day.

I've learned to accept the fact that Riley sometimes treats cars like a baseball card collection as one of his many quirks. I'm sure there are things I do that drive him crazy. Or at least they would if he had a car TO drive.

That's the thing about marriage. There is a lot of ~~buy and sell~~ give and take on many issues. In this case, I feel like I came out ahead as this turn of events has left me in sole possession of the 4runner. And even though I may not love that the Baker household has sold more cars in the last few years than GM and Chrysler, being married to a sometime-car-salesman isn't looking too bad. At least when I consider the alternative.

The Friendly Skies

2009-06-18T21:57:00.004-06:00

I wish I traveled more...

On the Go

2009-06-07T20:37:00.007-06:00

The Tyke has reached that stage where he is becoming more and more independent. He wants to ~~decorate~~ feed himself with his spoon at meals now, he tries to put on our shoes (mostly mine, but we won't tell his dad that), and when we run errands, he wants to walk from the car to the store instead of being carried.

I encourage his curiosity as much as I can and I am loving seeing him discover new things. Even when, in the course of his explorations, he manages to misplace one of my red Mary Janes, he is usually forgiven pretty quickly. As long as it doesn't take too long to find the runaway shoe.

The only drawback to his running around is that trying to keep up with such an energetic little dude leaves me exhausted at the end of every day. But I guess I am not the only one...

C is For Cookie

2009-06-03T20:00:00.005-06:00

I started a new job this week. I liked my previous job, but when I was offered a position at this company I couldn't pass it up. In just a few days there, I am discovering I've entered a whole new working world. A world that includes entire HR departments, warehouses, and employee wellness challenges. I even have my very own badge complete with lanyard.

To kick off my work week, I decided to participate in the blood drive taking place there yesterday. I've given blood before, though not as often as I should have, and was excited that the blood drive finally came to me after trying a few times in the last couple months to go to one in Lehi and missing it. After getting lost in the building twice, I made it down to the cafeteria to donate blood on my lunch break. I should mention that the reason I got lost (the second time) was because I was convinced there was no way they would hold a blood drive in the cafeteria during lunchtime. I was wrong.

A very nice phlebotomist named Rodney helped me out with my donation. I told him that the real reason I was donating was so I could get a free cookie at the end. It only took 6 minutes for me to fill my bag, just enough time to decide between Famous Amos and Granny B's peanut butter cookies. I was feeling good, however, my cookie visions were rudely interrupted when, while elevating my arm after the needle was removed, I got dizzy. I had just enough time to tell Rodney I was on my way out before I blacked out for a minute. After a forced 10 minute rest, courtesy of Rodney, I finally made it to the refreshment table for my cookie. The consumption of which was interrupted by yet another dizzy spell which landed me back in the chair with ice packs again. I sat there, not only disappointed that I had now become The One That Fainted, but also upset because I could no longer reach the rest of my cookie, which was now beginning to look lonely all by itself on the refreshment table. The next 30 minutes spent recovering made me late coming back to work from lunch. And while no one minded my lateness, it was not the ideal scenario I had planned for my second day at a new job.

As I was finally leaving the cafeteria, with a cookie in my belly and now steady on my feet, if still a bit light-headed, I made sure to thank Rodney for taking care of me. I told him I appreciated his help and, for the record, it was all totally worth the free cookie.

And Repeat

2009-05-31T12:27:00.003-06:00

My sister introduced me to the music of Rocco DeLuca and The Burden about a year ago and lately I have been listening to their song, "Colorful" all the time. It's the first song I listen to when I turn on my iPod and I find myself coming back to it often. Here is a link to it for your listening pleasure.

So, guys, don't bother telling your gal that Everything You Do, You Do It For Her. Just tell her that she's Colorful. She'll get it. If not, at least you'll probably get a colorful response in return.

Going Down in Flames

2009-05-26T22:16:00.006-06:00

We had a great time this holiday weekend relaxing and hanging out with family. The first part of the weekend was spent up at The Compound where Riley and Roberto promptly went to work constructing a pergola in the backyard. Mama Jean and I decided that the best way to show our support for them was by going shopping. Judging by the number of shoe boxes in the car on the way home, I must have been feeling particularly bad for them.

On Memorial Day, we spent time with the Bakers and went to the cemetery. I'm not going to lie, I hate going to cemeteries. I believe that activity ranks just after birds on the list of Things That Make Melanie Extremely Uncomfortable.

*thanks, Heather, for the pic*

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't miss or love my relatives. I do and I want to honor their memories. I just never liked the idea of standing on top of a bunch of corpses. When Riley commented to me, "We should start considering buying our plots here in the next little while," it really threw me. I immediately got to thinking about what I could get to take my resting place, but stopped when I realized that the pillows under the covers trick that may or may not have worked on my parents (I won't confirm anything!) probably won't cut it in this case.

Despite my always being adamant about wishing to be cremated, Riley is determined to put me in the ground intact. The only reason I can think of for this is that he wants to bury me in a BYU football jersey. A final triumph after years without any support from me for his beloved team. In the meantime, I will just have to wait and hope that I don't kick the bucket before Riley does so I can be disposed of my way.

I do know one thing though. If a coffin and burial plot are in my future, it'll be over my dead body.

I Do Believe in Pukes

2009-05-19T20:00:00.005-06:00

Today I got that call. No, not the one where Daniel Craig calls to ask me to be the next Bond girl. The call from the daycare saying my kid is sick with a fever and asking me to come get him.

When I got home with The Tyke he seemed to be feeling a little better and was walking around and playing. I was about 5 seconds behind him coming into the kitchen when I heard him cry. I looked and saw that The Tyke had thrown up, slipped, and was lying on his belly in the puddle.

I feel like I am prepared for most Mommy Moments that happen at this point. And although I've been puked on before, there's just something about throw up that makes my brain decide to go "Oh, hell no! I'm outta here!" and leave me standing there frozen, just staring at the scene. When the rest of my senses kicked in, I will admit, my first thought was to click my heels together and repeat "there's no place like home" with the hope that I would be transported out of my kitchen and wake up in Kansas. Or at the very least I was hoping to have a house dropped on me.

Instead, I had to deal with it; simultaneously undressing The Tyke, keeping the mess from being smeared on me, and blocking Dixie's path to consume it. It was yet another reminder of the kind of life I now lead in munchkin-land.

The Week in Pictures

2009-05-14T20:02:00.002-06:00

The Tyke had a blast on his trip to Wyoming last week. Now that we are back, I am trying diligently to catch up on all of the TV I missed while I was busy relating to others. Meanwhile, The Tyke is attempting to get back into his routine after a very full week of:

driving...

relaxing...

sharing...

staring...

following...

The Force is Strong With This One

2009-05-08T22:09:00.005-06:00

My nephew. 7 years old. Obsessed with Star Wars.

Tonight, I had the very great pleasure of sharing a recliner with him while he watched Return of the Jedi for the first time. Happily, we made sure that his first experience with Episode 6 was with the original theatrical version of the flick, not the freakishly mutated and bastardized version that George Lucas released a few years ago along with the first 3 episodes. Ol' Georgie may have been a pioneer in his field, but nothing will ever redeem him from the heinous sin of creating Jar Jar Binks.

The excitement on my nephew's face while watching the movie was contagious for all of us and the kid could barely sit still. I couldn't help but smile at his comments of "I didn't think he would do that!" and "I knew he had something up his sleeve!" and "I would have done it this way..." I loved being able to name the spaceships for him, thanks to a very thorough education early on by my own brother, Andrew. Asking Sam what he thought of the movie produced a reaction that would have been similar to asking him how he liked the idea of living in a candy store for the rest of his life. Except jaw breakers don't explode.

I felt like I was helping to pass on a very long and distinguished legacy tonight. One that espouses a love of the fantastical and has a deeply rooted respect for Things That Go Boom.

Forever West

2009-05-07T19:44:00.004-06:00

The Tyke and I decided that we needed a vacation. With endless options before us, we picked our destination. Wyoming. We hitched a ride with Mama Jean and Roberto and came to visit my sister and her kids in the USA's least populous state. Turns out, it's hard to pass up a destination when your transportation and room and board are free.

So far, activities have included making "Grandma Cookies" with the little girls, playing Star Wars in the playhouse outside, and having the pants I was wearing ripped apart by the family's ~~four-legged tornado~~ lab, Miley. Liz, Mama Jean, and I did this today, too:

Not gonna lie, this workout was actually a challenge. And even though my version of Bhangra looked more like I should be participating in a tent revival than bustin' a move, I had a blast. And if The Tyke starts to wonder why I appear to be having a seizure in time with Bollywood-style music, I will just tell him I am exorcising the demons from my waistline.

In The Dog House

2009-05-03T14:15:00.003-06:00

Heather's dogs are staying with us this weekend. I love having them over, but no one loves it as much as The Tyke. He thinks they are hilarious and follows them all over the house.

I'm pretty sure they don't feel the same way, especially when The Tyke comes toward them carrying his plastic golf clubs. I'm thinking that maybe instead of "Mama" for his first word, we'll be teaching this kid to say "Fore!"

Fixed-Or-Repaired-Daily

2009-04-29T22:07:00.005-06:00

A few weeks ago, we found another car. I feel fine about the purchase because all I wanted was a car in the budget that can get me where I need to go. However, buying a Ford has me a little concerned about how long the second part of that statement will hold true.

I like to tell people we bought the Ford because we wanted to add a little adventure to our lives. Because there is nothing quite as exciting as getting into your car in the morning and not being sure if it will start.

Running Partner

2009-04-23T20:55:00.005-06:00

I took Dixie and The Tyke and went for a run yesterday afternoon.

2 bottles of water consumed.
5 stops to rest in the shade.
1 episode of near hyperventilation.

That was just Dixie.

I'm only surprised that she didn't try to climb in the running stroller and make me push her home. Apparently my boxer isn't built for distances over .25 miles. Or the heat. Or obedience, fetch, or cats, for that matter. But she sure keeps me on my toes. Especially when I'm wearing running shoes.

Literal Interpretation

2009-04-21T20:26:00.003-06:00

This was my own fault, really. I told him to 'put a sock in it.'

At least I didn't refer to him as my little ankle-biter again. That's a lesson you only have to learn once.

Favorite Things - Spring 2009 Edition

2009-04-15T21:10:00.008-06:00

I figured that a snowy day in April (not a favorite thing) is as good a time as any to post Spring's Favorite Things.

1) My Kelty baby backpack. I will always owe my neighbor Jackie big time for recommending this one. Comfortable. Easy to use. The Tyke loves it, and it completely solved my issues of walking a dog while pushing a stroller. It also doesn't look like I strapped a metal lawn chair on my back. Big plus.

2) Palermo's Primo Thin Old World 6 Cheese frozen pizzas. I buy these in 3 packs at Costco, which means I have enough stocked up in my freezer to last until peace is achieved in the Middle East. Which they could then celebrate with a pizza party as long as they promised not to fight over the last piece.

3)The Tyke's latest shoes. I wish the brand was listed somewhere on this pair of shoes because they are awesome. All I know is that I got them at Walmart for about 12 bucks. They velcro (I don't do laces...not even on my own shoes), the soles are soft, so they're easy for The Tyke to walk in, but still tough enough for him to wear outside. After an extensive search, these are the only shoes I can find that fit this kid's feet, which are completely square. It's like little blocks are attached to his ankles. Seriously. Combine the odd shape with the fact that he does Kung Fu toes any time you try to put shoes on him and you have a disaster in footwear waiting to happen. I am going out this weekend to buy these shoes for The Tyke in every size. I love them that much.

4) ABC's new shows. I don't know if it's because I no longer have cable and have had to lower my standards because there is less variety, but I am loving some of the new shows on ABC lately. Castle, Cupid, and Better off Ted are my new favorite shows to watch. Luckily, since I am never able to watch them the night they are on, ABC has full episodes online for me to watch whenever I do have time. Because if I didn't have ANOTHER thing to waste hours doing on my computer, I would have to do something that was actually productive. Like sleep.

5) Working away from home part time. I know. This favorite thing completely contradicts favorite thing #4, however, I love that I am back at work for a few days each week. I missed it. I missed the glare of fluorescent lights on my computer screen and the crust in the microwave that everyone ignores. I missed being so loaded up with work that I talk out loud to myself to help make sense of it all. I missed hearing a coworker sigh after a particularly long phone discussion and knowing we are all in the same boat together. But I mostly missed the pink cookies in the vending machine.

What the Cluck?

2009-04-14T21:26:00.005-06:00

The Tyke had his very first Easter Egg Hunt last weekend at the Bakers'. ~~Nathan~~ The Easter Bunny hid eggs all around the yard for the kids and The Tyke left with quite a haul of goldfish-cracker-filled plastic eggs. He may be too young to really understand what's going on, but I think he has the general idea that Easter is a holiday where all the adults run around yelling for you to hurry and put as many objects into your basket as you can before someone else gets to them. When he grows up, The Tyke will realize that this holiday is also called 'shopping at Hobby Lobby with Mommy'.

The rest of the weekend was spent up at The Compound, where Mama Jean and Roberto helped Riley wrangle The Tyke while I went to the Jazz game with my coworkers. I go out without The Tyke so infrequently that I couldn't understand why I was so disoriented at the game. Then it occurred to me that what was missing was the loud ringing in my ears from The Tyke and all I was hearing was the soothing sound of a screaming crowd of angry fans in the Delta Center.

When I woke up the next morning, I discovered that The Tyke had decided to officially start walking. Even though I have been waiting for months for it to happen, I was still caught off guard to see my little dude cruising around without needing to hold onto a hand, leg, wall, or very long-suffering canine.

I'm sure I'll continue to be surprised by the things The Tyke learns to do in the years to come. And I'll be watching next Easter when The Tyke will not only be able to spot and gather eggs hidden in trees, but will also be able to run away from me when I show up with car keys and coupons for wall clocks at 50% off.

Real Life

2009-04-13T10:18:00.005-06:00

Growing up, this is the way I always imagined the world worked. Except my version included copious amounts of glitter.

Driving Me Crazy

2009-04-07T22:48:00.005-06:00

Car shopping is not my favorite pastime. I'm surprised by this, too, because you would think that an activity that includes "shopping" in the title would be right up my alley. As it is, car shopping has been moved onto the list of Top Punishments Waiting For My Worst Enemies, right after "15 minutes alone in a room with Skeletor...er...Ann Coulter." Actually, that is probably not a fair comparison to make. It would be totally awesome to meet Skeletor!

I'm not sure why the car buying experience needs to be so complicated. It seems relatively simple: Step 1) determine budget, step 2) find car that fits budget, step 3) purchase car. Somewhere along the line, things got all kinds of screwed up. Now buying a car requires the following:

Step 1) determine budget. To figure out the true cost of buying a car, factor in the amount of money in savings combined with the insurance check. Then, take into account all potential shoe purchases lost because of lack of funds and adjust for emotional damages sustained from dealing with car salesmen (and having to wear shoes purchased a whopping 5 months ago).

Step 2) find car that fits budget. That will run for more than a month once you buy it. That does not need 472 month financing terms. That will fit yourself, your various jackets, cans of soda, bags that accompany you on all outings, a husband, a carseat, a toddler, and occasionally, one slightly maladjusted Boxer.

Step 3) purchase car. Seeing as I can't get steps 1 and 2 down, it's looking like it may be a bit longer before we get to step 3. I'm not feeling too bad about it, though. The longer we wait only increases my chances of taking step 3 in a fabulous pair of 3 inch heels.

Old at Heart

2009-04-01T21:14:00.007-06:00

We were involved in a car accident last week. No, it wasn't our fault; no, we are not hurt; yes, many expletives were produced as a result. It's true what they say, though, most accidents happen within 10 miles of home. In our case it was more like 10 yards, since someone ran the stop sign just down the street from us and hit us on the driver's side. There was the initial moment of shock and then despair as I looked down and saw that I had no Diet Dr. Pepper left since its contents spilled all over the mat when we were hit. As I was trying to figure out where to turn to cope with the situation now that my drug of choice was gone, I looked back and saw that The Tyke remained unfazed by the whole turn of events and was happily playing with a toy in his carseat. Riley, who was driving, was amazingly calm throughout the whole ordeal. It could have been his Army training kicking in, but I like to think that years of being married to me had sufficiently prepared him for meltdowns relating to everything from the wrong person winning America's Next Top Model to running out of soda (otherwise known as Armageddon). Traffic accidents are no sweat when you have weathered the storm of caffeine withdrawal in your spouse.

To make a long story short, the damage to the 4Runner was enough that the insurance has decided to total it. To figure out how Riley feels about this, just imagine if someone stole your puppy, posted its picture in a cutest puppy photo contest, and won a million dollars. Although the operational status of our other vehicle has been upgraded to "out of commission" from last week's status of "empty shell of what used to be a drivable truck", we still can't use it to get around. Luckily, the insurance is paying for a rental car until we figure out where to go from here. This is what we are driving this week:

A Buick Lucerne. Not only does it have the features of leather and a sunroof that luxury cars usually have, but the seats and seatbacks are heated. It didn't matter to me that we were already running the air conditioning in the car those first few days, I had my seat turned up all the way. Because you don't waste a feature like that. Ever. The radio display shows the name of the radio station and what song is currently playing and the display next to the speedometer kindly reminds you of maintenance needs like, "check rear left tire pressure". It's like a KITT for the elderly (that one's for you, Dan), and I'm diggin' it.

I have total confidence that if we were to be involved in accident in this car, we would be just fine. Although they may send me in for more thorough tests when they find me with third degree burns on my butt and raving about a car that can think for you.

Favorite Things - Dixie Edition

2009-03-27T16:18:00.004-06:00

I forgot Dixie's birthday on the 18th. Technically, I remembered about it before and after it happened, but in the midst of craziness all around me, I forgot it nonetheless. Don't worry, she is reaping the benefits of my guilt in the form of massive amounts of treats and extra attention from the humans in the house. Of course, she probably doesn't realize there is anything special going on because she expects to be treated like royalty all the time.

My gal is now 4 years old and I can't even put into words how much I love this dog. She's the light of my life, my first child, and my favorite walking companion. In honor of her birthday, I'm doing a Favorite Things Edition just for her. *Thank you goes out to Nikki, who took these pictures when Dixie was playing with her lab Chaco last October*

1) She cuddles. I've never seen a more cuddly dog than this girl. Anytime you sit down, she is right there to snuggle up next to you. Even when I am at the computer desk working, she will jump up on her hind legs and lay her torso across my lap. There's nothing like a 65 pound lap dog.

2) She is scared of cats. Dix is deathly afraid of the Bakers' cat, Oscar. Whenever we go over to visit, she will not go into the house unless one of us goes first to run interference with the resident feline. I can't blame her, Oscar could probably kick my butt too.

3) She walks well on a leash. When we first got her, I never thought we would be able to stop her from pulling on the leash when we went out for walks. Finally, about 2 years ago, it all clicked (thanks to a stash of treats carried in my pocket, right at dog-nose level) and she has been wonderful on walks.

4) She loves other dogs. Dixie is incredibly social with other dogs. As attached as she is to us, I know that if it ever came down to coming with us or following a random dog home, we would have no chance. Even if a dog is obviously not interested in anything but tearing her apart, Dixie will still try to play with it anyway. I know that someday this trait will someday come back and bite her in the butt (literally). I just hope I'm not there to see it.

5) She's quirky. This gal definitely surprises me with the non-doggy things about her. She won't swim in the water, doesn't want to walk on wet grass, won't go out if it is raining or if the wind is too cold, and she lets us wipe her paws and clip her toenails whenever we need to.

Despite her quirks, she is still my best gal and will always be woman's best friend.

Don't Try This At Home

2009-03-23T20:54:00.004-06:00

The Tyke got his first hair cut a few nights ago. An experience we will be leaving to the professionals from now on. Wrangling a 1 year old who is not interested in getting a hair cut is like trying to grab onto a live fish... with your feet... coated with Crisco. Or at least like trying to get a straight answer out of a politician.

Let's just say The Tyke did not enjoy it. The walls of the house are still echoing with the sounds of "WAAAAAHHHH!" and "Hold him, Mel!" and "I am!" But after it was all finished, The Tyke looked like a champ, all ready for summer.

When it comes to kid-related maintenance, there are many things I don't mind doing at home myself. Turning my kitchen into a baby barbershop is not one of them. I just don't think my marriage could cut it.

In Like a Lion

2009-03-23T12:36:00.004-06:00

After all the beautiful weather we've been having, I should have been prepared to wake up to snow today. the Universe always knows just how to bring me back down when I'm up. Now that I've been reminded exactly how my life is supposed to function, I'll be keeping my eye out for a hair concealed in my next meal out at a restaurant. Even The Tyke seems annoyed by the snow and when he went down for his nap, he managed to change the settings on his crib soother to play ocean sounds instead of music.

For now, we'll just bundle up and deal with it. And the Universe can sit back and have a good laugh when I spend 15 minutes getting myself, The Tyke, and Dixie ready to go for a walk only to have it start snowing halfway through, causing Dixie to make a beeline back to the house. We'll see how the Universe feels later when I let Dixie poop on its lawn.

Hell Week

2009-03-16T00:20:00.002-06:00

Up until this last week, December 27, 2008, was the Worst Day Being a Mother Ever. December 27 was the night The Tyke stayed up all night crying because of a cold and two new teeth coming in. Before that, there had been many late nights and crying bouts, but that night was particularly painful and I can't think back on it without letting out a sad little whimper and looking around for some kind of defensive weapon. That night, The Tyke kicked my butt. Little did I know, it was just a warm up for what was coming. A little baby b*tch-slap before he pulled out the big guns this week. This week we had eye teeth coming in. This week we had a virus and a fever of 101. This week we had projectile vomiting. Let's also make a side note here that I had tons of extra work I took home with me that all needed to be done yesterday.

The week started out ok. Then, on Wednesday, The Tyke and I went up to The Compound to see my sister Liz and her kids, who were in town visiting. Maybe he played too hard. Maybe he couldn't handle all of the new people. Maybe he just hates me. All I know is, that The Tyke responded to my attempts to get him to settle down and sleep by throwing up all over himself. And me. And the floor. And later spreading the love to Grandpa, who accidentally stepped in it when he came down to help me and my mom deal with the mess. I guess The Tyke just didn't want anyone to feel left out. Something he proved later on in the week by throwing up on Riley, who wasn't at The Compound for the first incident.

For the next few days, the poor little guy was just miserable, and while medicine helped control his fever and he did all right during the day, the nights were impossible. I was able to get The Tyke to fall asleep with me holding him, but it had to be at an exact 45 degree angle, at a precise ambient temperature of 67 degrees, and included an intense amount of pain in my lower back. Sleeping for me wasn't an option, but at least The Tyke was able to get some rest and I could enjoy the blessed silence for a couple hours.

By Saturday, I had called in reinforcements in the form of 4 Diet Dr. Peppers, 2 Excedrin, mac & cheese, cheesecake, Heather and the dogs, Pepperidge Farm Chessmen, and Cadbury Mini Eggs [...and a partridge in a pear tree, apparently]. The Tyke started feeling better, and by this morning, he was back to being the same happy little dude he normally is. Only now someone's going to have to nurse me back to health, because this week broke my spirit. Good thing I keep my own doctor on call. Crack! Fizz......

Handy Man

2009-03-05T20:47:00.003-07:00

We bought a new (old) truck a few weeks ago. The '89 Toyota pickup sitting in our driveway comes in the rankings as vehicle #9 since Riley and I have been together. I'm thinking that when we get to #10, we'll have to do something really special, like take it for a cruise. Which would probably work since the only mode of transportation we won't have purchased by that point would be a multi-level, 100,000 ton ship.

Over the years, I have learned a few things about Riley's penchant for purchasing/fixing up vehicles, so we now have very strict rules about vehicle purchases around here. Rule #1- There will only be as many vehicles as there are drivers in residence in our house at any given time. And Dixie doesn't count- she is colorblind and therefore not able to drive. Rule #2- Vehicles can only be purchased with cash. Where the cash came from doesn't matter so much, as long as it can't be traced back to me. Rule #3- Said vehicle must be operational as of the date of purchase. As much fun as it has been, I don't particularly like rusty metal driveway decorations, regardless of your classification of it as 'shabby chic'.

After this latest purchase, I'm thinking we need to amend rule #3 to include a timeline for how long the vehicle must run before it is dismantled. A new record of 15 hours was achieved with this pickup, beating out the previous winner at 24 hours, a '72 VW bug. It's not that Riley can't put it back together again. He's an amazing mechanic. But that talent is sometimes his downfall, because whenever he goes in to fix one thing, he finds about 10 more things that need to be replaced. And while many people may be able to look the other way for stuff like that, I've learned that Riley's OCD and projects don't mix.

I can't complain too much. So far, Riley is coming along great with the truck, despite falling into a bucket of antifreeze (oh how I wish I had been there). And if the scope of this project starts getting to me too much, I can always take The Tyke and escape somewhere else for a while. Could somebody give me a ride?

Back on the Mainland

2009-03-03T14:06:00.008-07:00

And we're back. As usual, the trip was much too short and has me already planning my next vacation. That is, after I spend the next month trying to find a way to fit back into my pants after all the junk we ate. Those caramacs sneak right up on ya. The Tyke had a blast swimming, feeding the ducks at the Tropical Plantation and the pigeons at Jaws, and playing with Grandma and Grandpa, but I couldn't help but wonder if he would know the difference if we had been at the Best Western in St. George instead of in the Paradise of the Pacific. Apart from a slightly more yellow tint to the pool water at BW, it would have been the same to him. I, however, would probably have spent the next few hours showering with sandpaper followed by a dunk in some rubbing alcohol to rid myself of the germs.

On this trip to Maui, we really just wanted to sit around and do nothing, since we already did the 'tourist' stuff last time we went there. And if after reading that last sentence, you want to smack me in the face for having the chance to go to Maui twice in 3 years, just let me say.... ahem... neener, neener, neener!

Things were definitely different with a baby this time. A lot of time was spent waiting for The Tyke to wake up from naps, but luckily, we had ~~some nannies~~ my parents there to help take care of the kid. It's amazing how much more interesting your kid can be when there are two people there functioning as his personal cheer squad. When The Tyke stood up all by himself for a whopping 5 seconds I though my mom was going to do a herkie in the middle of the condo. At which point my dad would have begun chanting words of encouragement to the actions of Waddaly Acha.

We weren't inside the whole time. We went whale watching, snorkeling, swimming, exploring in the car (somewhat similar to one of Papa Roberto's infamous "shortcuts", only this time we didn't end up in Wyoming), and just enjoyed the warm weather.

There were a few setbacks. It was incredibly windy the last few days so our pool time was cut a little short. Also, the redeye plane flight home on Saturday was enough to convince me that I will never bring a small child on a plane again. He slept like a champ in my lap, however, my left butt cheek is still numb and Mama Jean is trying to get her muscles working again after being told to stay completely still in order to not wake up The Tyke.

We may not make it back to Maui again for the next few years, so The Tyke will just have to be satisfied with feeding the birds at a park and swimming at the rec center. It may not be quite as glamorous as Hawaii, but the cost of rubbing alcohol and sandpaper is a lot cheaper than a plane ticket. And also not as big a pain in the butt.

Part Fish

2009-02-24T08:54:00.003-07:00

This trip is the first time The Tyke has been swimming in water that is deeper than 2 inches and/or not my uterus. Like most things, he loved it! Even when his lips turned blue from the cold and his teeth were chattering in between smiles, he still had fun.

Now, when I have my moments on this trip where I think, "Why the hell did I bring an infant all the way to Maui?" I can remind myself that this...this is why.

View From the Top

2009-02-23T18:08:00.003-07:00

I looked out the window and what did I see?

Takin' It Easy

2009-02-18T17:45:00.003-07:00

What The Tyke's been up to:

Keeping watch...

Practicing...

Getting ready to go to Hawaii on Saturday.

Before you envy us, remember it's a 5-6 hour flight to Maui. With a 1 year old. I'm thinking I may need a vacation from this vacation when I get back. But I think I'll risk it anyway.

Ko-awwwww-la

2009-02-15T16:05:00.002-07:00

The horrible situation in Australia right now is such a tragedy, but is it wrong to love this video anyway? And it gets better. The koala has a boyfriend. Animals are so cute.

Be Mine

2009-02-08T22:37:00.004-07:00

I don't know that I've ever actually liked Valentine's Day. It's a holiday where, instead of looking forward to it, most people are simply looking to get through it without shedding (or causing) any tears. To my dismay, I discovered this holds true even after you're married. I still can't think back to the disaster that was Valentine's Day '03 without wanting to throw myself out the window. Without going into too much detail - because I am finally starting to move on and recounting it would destroy all my efforts - I put in a lot of thought and love into celebrating that year and Riley screwed it up bigtime. So big, in fact, he is still trying to make up for it 6 years later. And I am thinking I may forgive him.... either when he takes me to the ballet, a Utah football game, or we're dead. I am currently taking bets on which one will come first.

It's stuff like the Valentine's Day Massacre of 2003 that make this holiday especially crappy. It's loaded with too much pressure. Pressure to find someone in the first place, to plan the most romantic evening, find the right gift (although why men still haven't figured out that flowers are always well received is beyond me), and say the perfect things. Not to mention the inevitable disappointment that follows the next day. Your own personal Valentine hangover. No wonder Hallmark does so well this time of year. People don't just buy valentines to give out on February 14, they are also purchasing sympathy cards for February 15.

Crappy Valentine's Day experiences aren't just reserved for people who are dating, either. Remember in elementary school when we made Valentine's Day boxes? Sounds like a good idea until you also remember that everyone voted on who had the best one. Those of us who were not particularly right-brained left school that day ashamed of the shoe box we had covered with California Raisins valentines and several feet of scotch tape, while the kid with the papier mache toilet that 'flushed' valentine cards left with everyone's respect and admiration along with their votes. A wonderful tradition on the one day of the year where we are supposed to show love to others. Where, may I ask, was the love for A.C., Beebop, Stretch, and Red?

Unfortunately, this holiday won't be going anywhere for the foreseeable future. At least I can feel better knowing that when The Tyke hits elementary school, I will be there to help him sort through which conversation hearts to put in the girls' valentines and assist when it comes time for him to make his own Valentine's Day box. I wonder if they make welding helmets for 9 year olds...

My Buddy and Me

2009-02-01T20:31:00.003-07:00

The Tyke has always loved Dixie. He only has to look at her and he will smile and start giggling. Luckily, she is a dog, so she doesn't get self-concious when someone laughs at her. If it were me, after I checked for boogers, food in my teeth, and random appendages growing from my forehead, I would bottle up my insecurity until I could later unleash it on an unsuspecting Riley when he does something really horrible. Like talk during re-runs of Jon and Kate Plus 8.

Amazingly, Dixie also seems to be getting more tolerant of The Tyke's interest in her (and by extension, her toys). It's even looking like they are starting to become good friends. And I couldn't be happier.

Now, I'll just have to keep an eye out to see if they start talking behind my back. Then I will secretly cry myself to sleep on my pillow while plotting ways to break up their friendship.

Party On

2009-01-30T11:43:00.005-07:00

The Tyke turned 1 on Wednesday. Like all moms probably do, I woke up a little emotional at the thought of how quickly my baby is growing up. But don't worry, I was consoled by the thought, "1 year down, 17 to go!"

Seeing as Riley and I love everything Hawaiian, it's no surprise that we threw a Luau-themed birthday party. After about an hour at Partyland, Riley and I came away with only a very small fortune in decorations and party paraphernalia. While I would have purchased the entire stock of Hawaiian decor, Riley was there to keep me from buying inflatable palm trees and a life size cardboard hula dancer. But I think he was secretly disappointed later that we didn't buy the giant hula girl. All in all we bought enough party gear to be totally cheesy but we stopped a little short of completely white trash. A fine line I find myself walking more often than I care to admit.

This last picture is my favorite. It was right after Riley, worried about sugar overload, took away the frosting on The Tyke's cake.

I would have felt the same way.

One Fine Day

2009-01-24T20:10:00.003-07:00

One thing I've learned since I've started working in addition to having a child is that life was much simpler when I was just a stay-at-home dog mom to Dixie. Because of the additional time restraints I've been running into lately, I was so excited when I found out my friend Christy, who has done my hair many times over the years, now travels to her clients' houses to do their hair. I was ecstatic at the thought that not only would I be able to have my hair done in my pajamas if I wanted to, I wouldn't have to leave my babies home alone. Dixie, The Tyke, and my flat of Diet Dr. Pepper from Costco require constant supervision, so this was an ideal situation.

Christy got to my house at about 5:30 with her son, Jaxson, and we had a blast. Most of us, anyway. While I was delighted to see that Jax wasn't afraid of Dixie, Dixie quickly tired of having a 4 year old chasing her around the house, trying to get her to play with him. Jaxson's many attempts to throw a ball to (but mostly at) Dixie for her to fetch resulted in no movement from the dog except to look at me like, "A ball? Is this kid serious? Tell him to come back when he has a used up kleenex or some cheese." When Jax came up to scratch Dixie and give her hugs, again, she only look at me, but this time it was, "I'd better be getting lots of poop sniffing time on our next walk for having to put up with all of this attention." I think the final straw for her was when Jaxson tried to get on the bed with her to watch a movie. As she exited the room, I saw a look in her eyes to the effect of, "That's it, I'm selling myself to a new family on ksl.com."

Other than a tiny bit of dog mania, Jaxson behaved pretty well. But as it started to get later, he (understandably) got tired and upset. To me, the whining and crying that happened after that was funny, but for his mom, I'm pretty sure 'tear your hair out' and 'wit's end' would probably have applied. As a mom myself, I understood completely. Every now and then, there comes that point in your child's behavior where you are so frustrated that you can't move or speak and all you can do is stare and wish that you could check out for a while. Christy had that look in her eyes, so I did my part by keeping a close watch on her so she wasn't tempted to do anything drastic, like poke out her eardrums with a hair clip.

The best scene of the night was when we were washing out my hair in the bathroom. Jaxson was in the bedroom crying because we were horrible enough to suggest he sit in there and watch a movie without Dixie, Christy was sitting on the toilet with the shower nozzle, I was kneeling forward over the side of the tub, The Tyke (who had woken up as a result of the crying) was standing next to me (also crying) clinging to me in an effort to be picked up, and Dixie was in the living room trying to figure out the password to log onto the internet. In the midst of the chaos, while trying to keep The Tyke from climbing into the tub and wiping water and hair dye from my face, I heard Christy say that she better see a blog post about this. Filled with lots of swears.

I figured that; damn it, I sure as hell would oblige.

The War at Home

2009-01-12T21:36:00.006-07:00

I've recently decided to go back to working outside of the house part time. Not just because I'll have a chance to get out of the house and I can keep my resume current, but also because I've now begun to regularly imitate the sounds that The Tyke makes. We can carry on whole conversations just by making whale noises back and forth to each other. This terrified me enough to take drastic measures to reclaim my grown-up self. It's also convinced me that there really is no mystery to the humpback whales' songs. They are just asking their moms when they will get their next graham cracker.

I realize that going back to work will require some sacrifice on my part, like putting on deodorant, but I think that with a little work (and a lot of Diet Dr. Pepper) I'll be able to get back in the workplace groove pretty easily. Not quite so easy will be the transition that Riley will be making, since he has a job where he can work from home and has volunteered to watch The Tyke during the hours when I'm not there.

The night before my first day back, Riley confessed to me that even though he has been trained to lead over 70 men into a firefight in Iraq, preparing for that wasn't nearly as scary as the thought of spending a whole day alone with The Tyke. I told him that I knew how he felt. At least you can shoot combatants in Iraq. The insurgent he will be dealing with at home will be bombarding him with enemy fire in the form of crying, will constantly be escaping designated roadblocks around the house, and will be depositing backside bombs that no body armor can deter.

Although I'm sure he will soldier through being a stay at home dad, Riley may feel the effects of this fight for many years to come. I'll be sure to keep my eye out for a good therapist for his PTSD - Post Tyke Stress Disorder. I have a feeling he'll need one.

Favorite Things - Winter 2009 Edition

2009-01-08T21:15:00.008-07:00

I'm in serious need of some cheering up right now with this crappy weather and although the empty Diet Dr. Pepper cans and candy wrappers scattered around the house are evidence of a valiant attempt to self medicate, I think that posting favorite things will be the best remedy. Unless someone has a ticket to the Caribbean they want to send my way...

1) Stash lemon ginger herbal tea. I love this herbal tea. My favorite thing about this favorite thing is that I don't have to add anything to it to make it taste better (even though I sometimes add honey anyway), it's great just as it is. Not only does it taste fabulous, but it saves my throat every winter when I start to get a cold. It also helps me recover when I have lost my voice yelling at Utah County drivers.

2) The Tyke's Infantino shopping cart cover. Ok, ok. I admit I have always thought these were totally ridiculous, completely unnecessary, and a huge waste of money. However, after Mama Jean kept telling me over and over how great they were, then generously buying one for me, I have been converted. I take this thing everywhere. It not only works well in shopping carts, but also in restaurant high chairs- which were apparently designed for square babies and not humans. This thing comes with little toys attached to it as well as a little pillow that velcros on the back that helps The Tyke to sit up straight. The final thing that sealed the deal for me with this cover was when I read in a magazine that a University of Arizona study found that 55 percent of grocery cart handles were contaminated with fecal matter. FECAL. MATTER. As in poop. SOMEONE ELSE'S POOP. ON 55 PERCENT OF GROCERY CART HANDLES. Excuse me while I throw up. Don't worry though, I'll wash my hands afterwards.

3) Dermalogica skin care products. Heather got me hooked on the Dermalogica skin stuff a few years ago and I have never found anything before or since that I like as much. It makes me feel better to know that even though I still act like a teenager, my skin doesn't look like a teenager's.

4) Amy's brand Indian (Mattar Paneer) frozen meals. I have to thank my other sister, Jenn, for introducing me to this favorite thing. I love Indian food, but obviously can't eat at an Indian restaurant every single meal of the day (although I would be just fine with that option). The Mattar Paneer meal (the other flavors aren't as good, just take it from me) helps me keep my cravings for Malai Kofta and Chicken Coconut Kurma at bay. It's amazing, and even though it's not exactly the same as what you can get in a restaurant, it's a better alternative than standing forlornly outside of Bombay House with my forehead pressed against the window waiting for them to open.

5) Liam Neeson. Just indulge me. I love him. I have a huge (6 foot, 4 inch, to be exact) crush on him. But for the sake of saving face, I'll say that the main reason I like him is for the awesome acting job he does in his movies. I can even forgive him for being a part of George Lucas' horrible crime of making The Phantom Menace and its two sequels. If you still aren't convinced of Liam's perfection, here is a quote of his that makes my little-girl heart feel that much more love for him for being so witty: Some mornings you wake up and think, "Gee, I look handsome today." Other days I think, "What am I doing in the movies? I wanna go back to Ireland and drive a forklift".

Epiphany

2009-01-05T07:30:00.001-07:00

Why, oh why didn't I think about this before?

Recipe For One Hell of a Year

2008-12-30T22:23:00.006-07:00

It has finally occurred to me that the new year is quickly approaching. When I realized this, the first thing I thought was that I am so glad this year is over. This year brought me my biggest joy, The Tyke.

However, because of that seemingly small addition, this year has also been tough on me. Not just "getting grass stains out of jeans" tough, either. It was "sitting through an entire episode of The O'Reilly Factor without rolling your eyes" tough.

First, The Tyke decided to come 8 weeks early, which brought 2008 in with a bang (and an epidural). Next, we found out that Riley would definitely be separated from the Army. Then, we spent the next few months dealing with paperwork. After that, we bought a house in Utah County. Then, we moved away from Colorado Springs for good. Finally, this December, The Tyke got croup, recovered, relapsed, and started teething again (and this time he's taking no prisoners). Add into the mix a good dose from me of craziness, irrational behavior, and sheer panic stemming from the immense responsibility of raising a child. Combine that with a husband who is having trouble adjusting to the idea that he will have to start over in deciding what he wants to be when he grows up, now that 'soldier' has been added to the list of rejects alongside 'professional golfer' and 'Davy Crockett'. Throw in a dash of one Boxer suffering from a mild case of sibling rivalry and mix well. The end result should resemble a family trying to deal with what Life has decided to throw its way this year.

It's not much to look at, but it sure has a nice, nutty flavor to it.

Always Room For One More

2008-12-27T17:51:00.004-07:00

We get to doggy-sit my sister Heather's dog, Ronin, this week. Dixie spends her time chasing him around the house trying to get him to play. He spends his time following me around, hoping that he will be able to snuggle up by me if I sit down somewhere. I spend my time following The Tyke around, trying to keep him out of the dogs' water bowl.

This picture looks like a sweet little moment where Riley is snuggled up with the dogs. But do you see the 6 inches of bed left over on the far right? That's my spot. It's all I could negotiate out of a very sleepy (and therefore, 90 pounds of dead weight) Ronin. Despite the canine coup d'etat of my bed, I feel the worst for Riley, who probably didn't expect to wake up to a french kiss from our house guest.

Picture Perfect

2008-12-23T21:19:00.005-07:00

I wish this post was going to be about all the fun activities I've been doing so far this holiday season. I had dreams of our little family frolicking in the snow together, singing carols, and seeing all the Holiday sights like Christmas lights and exasperated mothers dragging screaming children from the store. These opportunities to do all of this never materialized once I realized that Riley has a little thing called a job that interferes with stuff like that. So instead of tales of our nonexistent seasonal adventures, I figured I'd just post pictures of what The Tyke has been doing this season.

Crawling over, under, and through whatever may be in his path...

Discovering a new, more effective way to get Dixie to pay attention to him...

Finding out that crawling is hard work, so it helps to take a break and rest your head, even if it's on the floor...

and just being an adorable little dude.

Oh, and he's also filling his role as blog fodder quite nicely these days. He's so helpful.

The 12 Pains of Costco

2008-12-20T10:39:00.004-07:00

I was at Costco the other day and I remembered all of the annoying things about shopping there during the holidays (no parking, long lines, people blocking the aisles in order to get samples, runaway shopping carts in the parking lot, people stopping in the middle of the aisle, 5000 kids running around, and wading through miles of Christmas gift baskets just to get to the Diet Dr. Pepper). As I found myself facing off in a game of "Chicken" against a middle aged man with a shopping cart full of weight loss shakes, batteries, and steaks, my frustration reached a boiling point. What I really wanted to do was ram him, but the thought of potentially damaging a bunch of delicious Costco steaks stopped me. I made it out without seriously hurting anyone, but the situation reminded me of the best Christmas song ever:

Merry $&!%#*@ Christmas!

Longest Years of My Life

2008-12-16T20:44:00.003-07:00

Tomorrow is my 6 year wedding anniversary. To say that I am shocked that Riley has put up with me for 6 years is definitely an understatement. When we hit the 5 year mark last year, it didn't seem like such a big deal, but for some reason 6 seems huge. Probably because this last year of our marriage and the addition of The Tyke has felt like 10.

Although there are days when I feel like I am tied to a chair being water boarded by marriage, I've reached a point where I am pretty sure I have Riley figured out. For instance, I know exactly what he will want to eat for breakfast each day and no matter how many times I suggest I make pancakes, he will never want any of them. I know which route he will take as he paces through the house while talking on his cell phone. I know that he brings up Sean Hannity just to tick me off. I know which buttons of his I can push to make him so angry even his ears go red. I know how I'll feel later if I push them. I know that he can't pronounce the word "proverbial" correctly. I know he loves my son. I know he makes a joke any time I give him a compliment because it makes him uncomfortable. I know he likes to hear them anyway. I know he will always put things on the wrong shelf in the pantry. I know he will always carry the heavy items in from the car, not because I can't, but because he wants to make things easier for me. I know he will always want to go to bed by 9:30 p.m. I know he walks with a slight limp since he busted his knee. I know he will never open his mouth to smile in pictures.

I know I'm lucky to have him around.

Getting Pushy

2008-12-12T14:17:00.005-07:00

Last night, Riley and I saw the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. Since Mama Jean sings in the choir, we are lucky enough to get tickets from her every year and it is always an incredible performance.

Even though the concert didn't start until 8 p.m., we decided to go up to Salt Lake early yesterday afternoon so we could shop, eat, and hang out in an atmosphere where the air isn't completely saturated by scentsy fragrances (however pleasant) and where we weren't likely to run into someone's friend's boyfriend's cousin's acquaintance who knows Riley and/or his family from way back when. My sister-in-law was ~~naive~~ kind enough to take The Tyke for us, we dropped Dixie off at doggy daycare, and we had a nice, relaxing day being grown-ups, if only for a few hours.

After lunch, shopping, dinner at the Little America Coffee Shop, and a chilly walk around Temple Square to see the Christmas Lights, we still got to the Conference Center at 6. By 6:30, the Center's Gestapo, volunteer ushers all over the age of 65, yet terrifying figures to those who would dare to mess with them, had opened the doors. As I was going through the doors, holding my bag out for the ushers to search and prepared to be patted down by Mother Goose if she decided I looked suspicious, I thought that this whole process was going pretty smoothly this year. I had my ticket out and was waiting for it to be scanned when the old man behind me decided, for whatever reason, that I was being too slow and therefore he needed to push me. Apparently, he thought arriving at the venue an hour and a half early was insufficient time to get to his seat.

Lucky for me, this wasn't my first time at one of these shindigs. Relying on all the things I learned from Christmas concerts past, I planted my feet, turned back to him, and after a very stern "Don't push me," from me, my assailant backed down. That's the thing about these kinds of gatherings. People think that if a line isn't moving, they should start shoving their way through from behind. And if someone happens to take exception to having their personal space invaded, the way these people handle it is to pretend they didn't notice they were leaning their 180 pound frame with full force into your scapulas.

We managed to make it safely to our seats with no other near altercations and were able to enjoy the concert. However, we did have another shoving incident as we were exiting our row when the man behind Riley decided to attempt to push him out into the aisle where the crowds of people were so thick that no one was moving. He must have been in a hurry to get out there so he could stand and wait.

All I have to say after last night is this: please, people...let's observe one of the first rules we learned in preschool after we were told not to pick our noses. Keep your hands to yourself. Otherwise, I may have to take matters into my own hands and smack somebody with them. It's ok, though. I'd just pretend that I didn't realize I was doing it.

A Holiday for the Rest of Us

2008-12-08T21:42:00.009-07:00

I knew it wouldn't officially be the Christmas season until one of us got sick. Since it has become a tradition for me to lose my voice every winter, I wasn't surprised when I spent the week of Thanksgiving with no voice and a hacking cough. Unfortunately for Riley, who I have discovered prefers my coughing to requests for help with poopy diapers, I had recovered by the next weekend. The Tyke was not so lucky. He got sick last week with Croup and after a breathing treatment and a shot, he is well on his way to recovery. And by that I mean he no longer sounds like a donkey who swallowed a seal that smokes 2 packs a day. And even though he was hardly able to breathe Friday night, he was still as happy as ever and had a lot of fun playing with Riley while we were waiting in the doctor's office.

Taking into account that I am also still getting used to The Tyke's newfound joy in crawling all over the place like a maniac, to say that it's been a rough week is pretty accurate. But maybe I'm lucky he got sick at this particular time; until I get better at tracking The Tyke's movements, I can always follow the trail of snot he leaves through the house to find him.

Despite a rocky beginning, I am finally getting geared up for Christmas. The lights are up on the house, which is a major benefit of being a homeowner. Forget equity, being able to outdo the Joneses in both execution and style has got to be the very best part of owning a home. Period.

I've also been listening to the nonstop Christmas music on the radio. I do this with a certain amount of caution, though, because if I have to hear "Mary, Did You Know?" or "The Christmas Shoes" this year, I will give up on Christmas completely and only celebrate Festivus. To be fair, even in Christmas songs that don't make me feel hostile, there are some parts that I just don't get. Like "Do You Hear What I Hear?" I love that song, but have you ever listened to the verse where the shepherd boy tells the mighty king about the child that shivers in the cold? They then say, "Let us bring him silver and gold." Um, really? I say skip the silver and gold and get the kid a damn blanket!

I will admit, though, my main goal this year is to set at least a little bit of my usual cynicism aside and just enjoy the holidays. Now that would be a real Festivus miracle!